Birthdays

I am back! Will I stay? Depends on how busy life is and how motivated I am to write.

I stopped because I was overwhelmed by some difficulties we were having, my son was having problems and going for testing, and we were not able to have our much wanted second child. The short version is my son may or may not have Aspergers, further testing in a few years will show that. Right now he is 6, and while his social skills and fine motor skills are delayed. He is a very bright child who excels academically and reads above his grade level. He loves school and starts grade one in the fall. All is well with him and we have all worked hard with him. He is so sweet, loving and we can enjoy so many of our more grown-up activities with him. We also have a second child. We recently welcomed into our home a 2 year old little girl named Jasmine, who we are adopting. She is beautiful, good sleeper, happy go lucky little child. A dream baby! And her Robbie adore each other. He is a fantastic big brother!

What is on my mind today, is my birthday. Today is my 40th Birthday, something I have dreaded since the day after my 39th birthday last year. I am so not ready to be 40. To me life is a mountain climb. I spent 40 years climbing up the mountain. Life new full of possibilities, climbing to see what would be at the long climb to the top. Now, I am at the top and proud of my life and family, but I am not ready to be there. Now, I can look down and see the bottom below, I am descending towards the end point, instead of climbing to the mid point. And if the next half goes by as quick as this half does, it will be too fast. I am not ready for that descent. I do not want to be middle aged! That means half way done. I am not even a third done! This stuff keeps me awake at night.

The shallow part of me also, doesn't want people to think of me as that old. So, what to do? Do I embrace this new decade and use it as an excuse to become more me, more outspoken, more eccentric (as I said I would in my 20's). Or do I ignore it and keep plodding along?

The other thing bothering me. Is I haven't like my birthday in about 20 years. As a child it was exciting. Who doesn't like presents and getting closer to the impossibly far away grown up status. Couldn't wait to get there and be able to do what I wanted. Somewhere in my early twenties my birthday ceased to give me that same thrill and I thought about it. What does my birthday mean to me and others? To me on my birthday many eons ago, I was born and taken away from my birthmother and spent my first week or so in the car of nurses in the hospital nursery, nurses I will never know. My birthmom (who I am glad didn't raise me), well that was the day she had to say hello and good-bye to her baby. And my own Mom and Dad didn't even know me. In fact there is no pictures of me or information about me until my parents brought me home on November 9th, 1970. To me my birthday just gives me a lonely feeling for myself, my parents and birthmother. I wish I could celebrate on November 9th, the day I joined my forever family. To me that is the important day.

Okay, I vented. And I haven't blogged in so long, it will probably never be read. Which is okay, I just needed to write. I am happy in my life right now, 2 kids, Karen is home on Parental leave for summer. We are having fun and enjoying a unique and special time in our life. I am just mopey today!

Preschool Drop-out

We decided to pull Robbie out of preschool. His last day was Thursday. And we are happy with our decision.
We have already had him in a cooking class. Which he loves and he is signed up for more. He has had 2 great playdates, which we were there for and have been able to direct his social skills. We have had time for his OT homework. He is going to a Fancy Nancy Tea Party tomorrow. And playgroup is up and running again next week. He is happy, well rested and having fun. That is what being 4 is all about. Not, complaining about preschool, not eating breakfast and being down.

In other news. AF is coming really fast and often every 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. I am going to the dr. and ask why. I hope this does not mean menopause. And I have a cold. I haven't been blogging much we have been getting a ton of snow and ice and that makes me blah.

Confused about Preschool!?!?

I am so confused. We are thinking about pulling Robbie out of Preschool. Preschool was never in our plan, a few professionals recommended it last fall.

My son has a great preschool the teachers are nice. But, several things are going on. He has just been assessed with a number of problems by a developmental team. He has some social skills problems, fine motor delays, learning style differences and trouble staying in his seat. I feel that most of these issues can be worked on outside of preschool. Preschool is helping him learn to stay in his seat, but that does not seem like a good reason to continue. As for the other issues, they are too busy a class, to take care of my son's special needs and my son does not have a shadow. This is not the fault of the preschool it is just life.

He goes to OT (Occupational Therapy) for his motor skills every week and they work intensely. He attended a group last fall for social skills and will be attending another in the spring (He loved these groups, loved the kids and the speech therapist that ran it). I feel like I can help encourage him with his social skills in groups and activities with myself to guide him, along with the social skills group in the spring. The same with his motor skills, I feel I can reinforce what he learns in OT. And I can help him with his learning style differences.

He is also unhappy in preschool. He has expressed it to me several times in the last few weeks. He misses going to playgroup and some of his other activities. He really wants to attend a cooking class that's time conflicts with preschool. He has not made any real friends in preschool, while he had several friends at playgroup and his social skills group. I feel like if he was happier, it would help development.

I also know that kindergarten is around the corner and their is only so much time for me to help him, before he is on his own in the classroom. I feel like preschool is not giving the skill he needs to be school ready, and we have the individual time to give him. I am feeling confused about the whole thing.

Not to mention I am playing with the idea of homeschooling. The professionals said in Kindergarten he would have trouble because of not wanting to sit still, because of his need for movement and because of his learning differences. I will give kindergarten a chance. But, my son is bright. If these factors interfere with him learning and loving school, I will pull him out. I think movement is natural and all kids should have movement in their school day. And hopefully the school will work with his learning differences. We all have different learning styles, I know I do. That is what makes us unique and human.

You have to look everywhere when you have a 4 year old

Robbie has a little table and chairs. He eats breakfast there, meals if he has friends over, and snacks. We always clean the top and sides. On a whim we turned it over this morning, and OMG It was filthy. A little science experiment of dried food. We asked what is going on. Apparently he has been wiping his hand under the table instead of washing them It took 25 minutes to clean and lesson learned. I encourage others to peak under their kids tables too!

Sick Boy

I haven't updated in awhile. It is because I have a sick boy, for almost 2 weeks. And we are both sick ourselves. Robbie started out with days of a fever and cold symptoms. And a cough so bad that we all did not sleep for 7 days. It woke him up crying for me ever 15-30 minutes all night. Took him to a clinic, they said it was a small ear infection, got some antibiotics. The next day he was falling on the floor coughing and turning purple. Took him to the ER. They did some x-rays and found pneumonia. Gave us some puffers and told us to come back the next day. The following day all he did was sleep and lay on me and throw up. Back to the ER and got a new antibiotic and a medicine for the cough (we started sleeping though the night after this). Saw, my dr. 2 days ago and she said the ears are healing but his chest is still a little rattley. He has slept and enormous amount 12 hours at night (since the medicine last friday) and naps during the day. He usuually sleep 10 hours at night and hasn't napped since his second birthday. Yesterday, seemeed to be a turning point. He did not nap, played and gave me a hard time about bed time. He is still coughing and wheezing, but his energy and appetite are better. Hopefully, after missing 2 weeks of preschool we will be able to send him back next week.

Here is a picture of him during one of the many naps he has had in the last week and half.

Things are kind of sucky

I have been worried about money lately. I haven't been called to supply teach since the holidays. It always happens, as it is high school exam and turn around time. But, this year we have a few more bills from the damage to the house before Christmas. Just as I was trying to make a plan to pay stuff off. Karen tells me that her company is discontinuing monthly bonus. She gets a bonus every month, based on stats. And she always gets the top bonus or the second(she is such a hard worker). We have officially been hit by the recession. This going to make a difference of 3,000-4,000 a year. Which is big bucks for us. So, we are trying to regroup and figure out some options. I wish I was better, so I could go get a full-time job and save the day. But, at least with 2 part-time flex hour jobs, I am saving us daycare fees.

And the boy is sick. He has had a fever for 2 days, is stuffed up, and coughing. He has been sleeping in bed with us. And he has been up a dozen times a night. And no one is getting any sleep. Well, except the dog she is doing great.

Ten Years Ago Today...

Ten years ago today, Karen and I became involved, I would like to say girlfriends but that took 4 more months. I had met her at the Concordia Women's Centre a few months before. I took one look at her at it was like lightening, I knew she was the one. I don't how, because I had other relationships and crushes. But, this was instant knowing for me. Of course through a serious of misunderstanding, she thought I was wild, and while attracted to me was intimidated by me. It was because of a infamous, not so g-rated girls party that happened at my house. That was not my personality and not my usual kind of party. I just happen to live by campus, so it was my place by default. Anyway, she and I started talking on the phone as friends over the next few months. I lost hope that she would see the light.

Then on January 5th 1999, the day I had come home from Christmas break, she showed up at my house. That was it, that visit changed our lives forever. We were in each others lives for good and fell in love in that moment in time. After, that she was always around. She would be at my place rearranging my furniture while I was in class. We were on the phone at night until we were almost asleep and then first thing in the morning. Things were volatile in the beginning, others lose ends and relationships to close. We were immature and went to the bars too much. A lot of people said we would never last. But, we settled down after the first year and here we are ten years later more in love then ever, and parents of the best boy ever.

Karen is still the one and will always be.

P.S. I have included a picture of us taken that first year.