Robbies Birthday: What it means

Your Birthdate: April 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem. You're good at so much - you never know what to do. Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long. You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What my Birthday means: Sounds nothing like me!

Your Birthdate: July 8

Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Photo Friday: Baby ME!

Wow, I never got to particpate in Photo Friday, because I do not have a digital Camera. But, this week theme of our own baby pictures was easy because they were on my desktop. Anyhow, me at 8 or 9 months in the tub.

The cutest thing!

Time to brag about the boy. Now, when he is done eating or does not want something I offer him. He looks at me and smiles and says, "No, thank you!". Can you see me melting? Almost makes up for the head banging.

Blog name change

Well my blog name has changed from 5 cats..... to 4 cats... We gave one of our cats away and it was one of my favorites. We do not normally do these kinds of things but, 2 things prompted it, the move and her best interests. We are moving to a new apartment that is much smaller and the Super thinks we have 1 dog and 1 cat. So, we decided we should give a cat away and we decided it would be Cleo. Cleo is a silver Tabby Persian. She never grew she is about 5 pounds and mostly fur. The problem is she needs to be brushed daily and is a really baby and need attention every second that she is awake. She wants to always be on you and constantly stroked. This was a hard task to accomplish before Robbie came, in an busy multi prt household but, with a baby almost impossible. The poor cat was becoming matted and lonely. So, we know from experience, that when we are away she always bonds with her sitter. So we knew she would be happy else where. We started asking around and Karen Mom's wanted her.
WARNING MIL VENT AHEAD. Karen's mom phones me last week and tells me how much she loves Cleo and would love to have her. I am about to tell her I will consider it when she says. " I just have one condition I want to have her declawed, because I do not want her to ruin my bedroom set" WTF. In my head I think, "You can't love her too much apparently you love your bedroom set more". Instead I calmly say, " I am sorry the answer is no, declawing is against my beliefs" . Then fill in MIL trying to make me feel guilty and naming nice people who have done this. I say "I have researched this and it is like an amputation, cutting of the tips on ones fingers, many vets will not do it and they can get arthritis in later life". MIL adds more guilt and I say, "Listen, I am not saying you or your sister (who just had cat declawed) are bad people, it just means a lot to me, when Karen and I were about to move in together she said she would only move in if I had my 3 cats declawed, and I said, I guess you are not moving in, of course she changed her mind(now she is against it too). Then I put Grandson on the phone to distract MIL, and it works. Karen, calls her Mom later and says "Mom, if you want a Cat why not take Princess (one of our Cats that lived with Karen before she lived with me and who her mother forced her too have declawed years ago)." Guess, what MIL does not want Princess because Princess is old, fat, cranky, with a weak bladder (personally I think they are long lost twins) because she wants something cute and little. ARGH! I won't criticize it speaks for itself.
Flash forward to Saturday, we get a call from the people that took our shit tzu (we had to give her up because she kept trying to bite Robbie). These people are great there who house is set up for the comfort of their dogs and cats and the yard is fenced in for the dogs to play. We tell them what is going on and they say they want her and her claws will stay. They want her then and there and are at our house within a half hour to pick her up. I was sad when they were on there way. I picked up Cleo and she curls into me like a newborn and purrs. Then later that night they call they love her, our old dog Angel was thrilled to see her and they are sending her to the groomer next week. I know I made the right decision!

Open Minded Quiz

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

The Cool Fat Girls Club, I have been kicked out

Okay, fellow bloggers I am back, for all two of you that I have left. My major problem with blogging is my home computer is not loading my blog. It loads all the other blogs I read, but not my mine. So, I had to wait until I was back at work to blog. So, for the next few weeks, as I finish work. I will be blogging.

Okay the reason I am writing is I realize I have been kicked out of the Cool Fat Girls Club again. See, I am currently not fat, this happens periodically to me. I lose weight without trying and I gain it back eventually. Since I have spent more of my adult life being fat, than thin. I identify as fat. And when I am fat, I am actually proud and confident, of course I am happy thin also. This fat pride took a long time. In my teens and early twenties I unsuccessfully dieted a lot. Then at 25 I accepted that I was fat and beautiful, the fact that cool, diva, sexy fat cool clothes were being sold in my town, helped the attitude change. Then around this time I became vegan and lost 50 pounds, found dairy again and gained 60. At this point I was fine with the weight gain, I had fat heroines. My best friend introduced me to the world of BBWs, and not to mention she is the prettiest girl I have ever known and has always been fat. Them my first girlfriend (the one that will be on Kink) was a totally sexy, yummy girl who wore belly shirts tons of cleavages and was hot. These two wonderful women showed me that my fat body was beautiful, plus were shining examples of how to live as a BBW. Then I had stomach problems lost 30 pounds. Got pregnant and felt gross and lost 7 pounds. Gained 23 pregnant pounds. Had the baby, then a bad gallbladder and a super heavy nursing boy caused me to lose about 60 pounds. Even after the gallbladder came out I was able to eat like 4 donuts and maintain my weight, I mean boobie boy was helping me burn calories. Then boobie boy starts loving his solids and I continue to eat the same and gain 15 pounds. Flash forward to Christmas, 6 weeks of stomach problems followed by a week of the stomach flu, cause me to lose 20 pounds.
So, hear I sit 136 pounds, smaller than the average North American woman (who weighs 145). And I still thing of myself as a fat girl and carry that attitude. But, I notice that other fat girls do not see me as fatty. For, instance my best friend and I have a hobby, that is called make fun of our partners short comings, it is very fun past time, and can be very therapeutic. We make fun of her boyfriend conversations skills, which are lacking. And we have always made fun of Karen's eating habits, because she like her mother, can eat her away from one end of a buffet to another. We have always found this funny, and complained that even though Karen is fat, we could never eat the same amount as her without being double or triple her weightor without spending all night on the toliet. But, guess what my best friend (who I love dearly) does not find these jokes a funny. You know why? Because I am a non-fatty making fun of fatty. And when she pointed it out to me I was stunned, I still thought of myself as a fatty. I guess my membership in the club is temporarily suspended. I guess, until I get fat again ( and I am alaways one Carmilk bar a way from being fat), I will have to instead make fun of Karen's pronunciation.

Update on Us

Well, thinks are starting to get better around here, but someday's it is one step forward 2 steps backward. Last Thursday, I went back to work and was starting to feel better. Well, that night Robbie woke up sick, he got a stomach bug, a 2 ender and by Saturday I had it too. Thank God Karen did not get it, something to be said for her stomach of steel. Well, Robbie and I seem to have recovered from it and are back to going about our business again. All in all it has been a hard winter, but we are so much fortunate than others who have had it much harder.
We, are starting to get ready for our April Move. Karen is packing boxes. And we are starting to get rid of stuff, some of it being Robbies baby stuff. It is amazing how fast they grow out of that stuff. We have decided we will keep a few special things and sell the rest, because we are pretty sure we won't be having others. After being sick all winter, I just want to get healthy and enjoy the wonderful family I have, not add to it and maybe give myself more health problems. We are also deciding if we are going to take the apartment beside Mom. It is a little small, but it is in our price range and we can bring the pets.
Robbie is growing by leaps and bounds and saying words and phrases we never taught him. He is an amazing littel sponge. He knows most of his letters, numbers, and colours now. And has words for most objects. He also loves to hide things on us all the time. Every find a sippy cup full of milk that is 2 days old? Yuck is the only word to describe it.
On a side note. Do you ever wonder who all these people are who are bringing suitcases on wheels to work? It is very popular at the university I work at. I mean do you have so much work to take home, that a shoulder bag will not handle it? In protest I bring only a purse to work.

Getting Better

Well, I am 75% better. I am still having minor gastro problems, but I have added some foods back to my diet and have much more energy. Preliminary tests show nothing yet. I still have a few more to go. I am starting to believe this was just a really weird virus.
We are at my Mom's right now, because I had a job interview (fingers crossed). It is nice to be home for a good reason. Robbie is having a ball her, he loves is grandma, he wakes up every morning asking for her. And he had a ball with my best friends son too. We will be moving back here in a few months, it is good to know he likes it so much.

Still Sick: Getting Testing

I have now been sick since December 18th, at first they thought, it was an allergy, (testing ruled that out), a virus, depression, none of these are the case.Now they think it is my esophagus. The problem is shortly after I eat most foods my throat feels full and like it is closing, I feel like I can't swallow and need to burp. That is the worst part of it. Now, I wake in the morning nauseous and super tired. Have some boost. Then by lunch I am usually hungry and have a small meal. Then I nap with Robbie. Then I have a small supper and usually my throat fills up again and I am exhausted. On a good night I can give Robbie a bath and play with him, on a bad night, no bath and I watch him play. Since this started Robbie has wanted to nurse non-stop and that is taking some energy. So, I am trying to cut him back to morning, nap and night. I have lost 12 pounds. I had a barium x-ray on Monday and on Wednesday, I have a gastroscopy. So, hopefully next week, I will have some answers. I am really sick of being sick and would like to enjoy my son more.

I'm still here

I am still around. I had a rough holiday. Besides being sick (I am still a little sick) all of it, my favorite Aunt and one of my favorite people in the whole world passed away on the 26th. We all had to fly home for the services and stuff and I am not dealing with this all very well. I even thought of starting an antidepressant, I took one effexor and that was it, never again. I took in the early morning and was still wide awake at 5:00 am and Robbie (it is suppossed to be safe for nursing babies) was up and down all that night and couldn't stay asleep. So, I am going to just take the healing process slowly on my own. I am reading blogs and groups (and that actually helps), just not responding much. So, I am keeping a low profile for now.

Feeling a little better.

Well, I am starting to feel a little better. And I am going to see an Allegist in January, to try and figure out what food had me reeling on the floor shaking and too dizzy to lift my head for an hour and half. Now, I just have to heal mentally. It had brought back my panic attacks, just when I think I have them beat something happens. For now I am only eating food I am familiar with this should help me somewhat and make me stop worrying about what if it happens again and I am alone with the baby or worse driving.

Well, the hoilidays are here and beside being a little anxious, I am a little down. This the first year we have not gone home to be with my Mom. I am going to miss her and I hate the thought of her visiting my Aunt in the nursing home alone on Christmas day. But, I have a job interview at home in January, so Robbie and I will get to spend a few days with her soon enough.

I am grateful that I have Robbie and Karen to spend the holidays with. And that I have a great family and friends both near and far and that is what is important. I hope anyone reading this has a good holiday.

SO SICK!

I am currently recovering for a bad food reaction (horrible involved almost passing out and laying on the floor shaking for an hour and half) and a stomach virus. No blogging for awhile.

My ex-girlfriend and lack of sleep

Well occasionally, I check my ex-girlfriends blog. I hadn't in a few months because well it is basically full of a lot of sex, and until recently I had been going through a dry spell. Plus, it is sometimes hard to hear about an ex's sex life, and believe me she has sex more than anyone I know. But, I like to read it once in awhile because she lives far away and I miss her. She was my first girlfriend we went out for 6 months broke-up for awhile, got back together for another 6 months and broke-up again. She is really fun, can make me laugh and taught me how to really love myself for who I am. We never did work out because she likes open relationships (with men and women) and I wanted to settle down and have a family. So, we both got what we wanted and are enjoying the lives we have. Now, I read her blog yesterday and found out she is going to be on the next season of "Kink". For those not Canadian that is a a reality show on the Showcase network, which documents those involved in a well Kinky lifestyle, it mixes clips of their "activities" with interviews about their lifestyle. So, I guess I will watch it, I am sure it will a surreal experience, especially watching it with Karen. Oh, my God I hope my Mother does not see it, that would be too much for her, but lucky she does not usually watch Showcase, because she call it the naked station. This makes me think my best friend and I have a theory that all our exs should move to a deserted Island where they build statues of us to worship and think about how much better life would be with us. Well, seeing your ex on TV doing r-rated things blows that theory away.

On another note Robbie had 3 nights of great sleep, falling asleep unassisted 80% of the time. Well, last night he was up 5 times and needed my help. I should not brag when things go well!

Sleep success of sorts

Wow, I am so thrilled, I just had to post. Robbie and I are having some sleep success. The other night he woke up at 4 and Karen changed his diaper and laid him back beside me. Well, I had planned on rubbing his back or nursing him, but before I had a chance to he rolled around a little and fell asleep on his own! ON HIS OWN! So, last night when he woke at 4 we did the same routine (diaper, lay beside me) and he fell asleep on his own again! When he awoke at 6 I ignored him and he fell asleep on his for a second time. During the whole night, last night, I only had to help him fall back asleep once! Wow! I hope this continues. It makes such a difference for me physically and mentally. Now, if only he could fall asleep and the beginning of the night and for nap on his own. But, I will not be greedy and just be happy for this!

I'm cutting back

I have not posted in awhile. And it is because last week I discovered I have a problem. I am addicted to blogs, and internet groups. Recently there has been a lot of drama going on my internet groups and some spilling over to people's blogs. And not only have I found myself getting involved in this, stating my thoughts and opinions on whatever controversy is at hand, I was thinking about it a lot, signing on the internet multiple times a day; when Robbie is napping and as soon as he went to sleep & first thing in the morning. I was thinking about it and talking about it with my real friends when not online. Then all of sudden I was actually feeling hurt and disillusioned by one debate, it hit a little close to home. At this point I sat down and said to myself, why am I so embroiled and invested in the lives of faceless strangers. I have real friends. I could really use my spare time to make phone calls to them and catch-up. I have made a handful of good online friends and I am glad. But, these online friends should not be my existence, I feel it is time to go back to my own life and be fully present in it.
Now, I am not going cold turkey. I am not quitting groups or stopping blogging and I am still reading blogs. I am just cutting back. So, I will not blog as often, or post as often. But, I am still here. I am just busy reassessing my life and trying to be a better real life friend, partner and Mommy.

Wish I was a stay at home mommy

Sigh, right now I miss my boy so much. I am at work and I will see him in an hour and 15 minutes, but that seems so far away and the day has been long. Today, is one of those days I wish I was a stay at home Mommy. At the end of January, I will be for a few months. My job is ending and we will be moving at the end of March. But once we have moved I will have to find a full-time job. The truth is we can not afford it right now to have one of us at home. And if we ever can have one us at home it will be Karen, because I have the training to make much more money. And I don't know if I were at home, if I would miss the adult intellectual stimulation. It is pointless to wonder because unless I win the loto it is not happening.
I am sitting here and I have my desktop set up to a slide show of Robbie pictures, maybe I shouldn't do that, maybe that makes it harder. I feel like I am missing stuff and I know he is missing me. Just needed to vent.

Personality quiz

Thanks to Casey for this quiz. I find this funny and true. And it is funny because I live with a noisy toddler and a wife who never shuts up.

Catherine

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

The election again

Well, the homophobic conservative party is offering lots of goodies if they win; a reduction on GST (sales tax) and $1200 for each child under 6. This seems to make people forget they are trying to over turn the gay marriage law, if they even care. In a yahoo group I belong to, comprised of punk rockers from my home province, they are debating the election. Talking about if it is good to have it in the winter and talking about the reduced GST. What the hell? They are talking like the gay marriage doesn't even exist. Granted I am the only gay person in this group. But, I am disturbed to see how far away the issue is from the straight folk, especially such a usually political group. And I wonder would I be like them if it was a different issue, say less rights for the disabled, less rights for immigrants. I hope I would be worried about it and not excited about false promises of tax cuts.

In a bad mood

I have been in a bad mood for the past 24 hours. It started yesterday, our friends came over with their daughter who I thought was recovering from larengetsis, but it was the croup (this was all a english/french translation misunderstanding). I scrubbed everything down after they left. Fingers crossed Robbie does not get it, because with previous respiratory problems this would be hard on him. Then Karen and Robbie had breakfast in my office, I didn't want them to come. I was under a big deadline this morning and Karen is slow in the morning and made me late. And as much as I adore my son, a toddler running around my office causing mayhem is a distraction. SO, Karen and I argued bigtime at my office, in the middle of this one of my bosses grad students came in and used the printer, she isn't supposed to but ordinarily it was not a big deal, but I was trying to print out important deadline documents for my boss. And so I snapped at her too. The problem with Karen and I, is we work opposite schedules and only get to see each other on weekends, and weekends we try to play catch with the house, bill and friends. So, we are not communicating and end up getting angry, which in the long run is more time consuming, then just finding time to talk things out. Know that my deadline has passed. I feel guilty for being so Cranky with everyone. I wish Karen and I could spend the day together, but she works when I get home. And next weekend is busy, birthday dinner for her mom on Saturday and Lesbian Mom's Christmas Party on Sunday. TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY!