Sick Boy

I haven't updated in awhile. It is because I have a sick boy, for almost 2 weeks. And we are both sick ourselves. Robbie started out with days of a fever and cold symptoms. And a cough so bad that we all did not sleep for 7 days. It woke him up crying for me ever 15-30 minutes all night. Took him to a clinic, they said it was a small ear infection, got some antibiotics. The next day he was falling on the floor coughing and turning purple. Took him to the ER. They did some x-rays and found pneumonia. Gave us some puffers and told us to come back the next day. The following day all he did was sleep and lay on me and throw up. Back to the ER and got a new antibiotic and a medicine for the cough (we started sleeping though the night after this). Saw, my dr. 2 days ago and she said the ears are healing but his chest is still a little rattley. He has slept and enormous amount 12 hours at night (since the medicine last friday) and naps during the day. He usuually sleep 10 hours at night and hasn't napped since his second birthday. Yesterday, seemeed to be a turning point. He did not nap, played and gave me a hard time about bed time. He is still coughing and wheezing, but his energy and appetite are better. Hopefully, after missing 2 weeks of preschool we will be able to send him back next week.

Here is a picture of him during one of the many naps he has had in the last week and half.

Things are kind of sucky

I have been worried about money lately. I haven't been called to supply teach since the holidays. It always happens, as it is high school exam and turn around time. But, this year we have a few more bills from the damage to the house before Christmas. Just as I was trying to make a plan to pay stuff off. Karen tells me that her company is discontinuing monthly bonus. She gets a bonus every month, based on stats. And she always gets the top bonus or the second(she is such a hard worker). We have officially been hit by the recession. This going to make a difference of 3,000-4,000 a year. Which is big bucks for us. So, we are trying to regroup and figure out some options. I wish I was better, so I could go get a full-time job and save the day. But, at least with 2 part-time flex hour jobs, I am saving us daycare fees.

And the boy is sick. He has had a fever for 2 days, is stuffed up, and coughing. He has been sleeping in bed with us. And he has been up a dozen times a night. And no one is getting any sleep. Well, except the dog she is doing great.

Ten Years Ago Today...

Ten years ago today, Karen and I became involved, I would like to say girlfriends but that took 4 more months. I had met her at the Concordia Women's Centre a few months before. I took one look at her at it was like lightening, I knew she was the one. I don't how, because I had other relationships and crushes. But, this was instant knowing for me. Of course through a serious of misunderstanding, she thought I was wild, and while attracted to me was intimidated by me. It was because of a infamous, not so g-rated girls party that happened at my house. That was not my personality and not my usual kind of party. I just happen to live by campus, so it was my place by default. Anyway, she and I started talking on the phone as friends over the next few months. I lost hope that she would see the light.

Then on January 5th 1999, the day I had come home from Christmas break, she showed up at my house. That was it, that visit changed our lives forever. We were in each others lives for good and fell in love in that moment in time. After, that she was always around. She would be at my place rearranging my furniture while I was in class. We were on the phone at night until we were almost asleep and then first thing in the morning. Things were volatile in the beginning, others lose ends and relationships to close. We were immature and went to the bars too much. A lot of people said we would never last. But, we settled down after the first year and here we are ten years later more in love then ever, and parents of the best boy ever.

Karen is still the one and will always be.

P.S. I have included a picture of us taken that first year.

Year in Review (Poached from Lisa)

I poached this from Lisa at Baby Makes Three.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Bought a house

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I tryed to cut back on chocolate last year, sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. My new year's resolution is to use the reusable shopping bags and stop taking the plastic ones at the store.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Some Mom's at Playgroup, but no one close

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, knock on wood

5. What places did you visit?
Bangor & Portland Me. and Moncton N.B.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A larger family and more money

7. What day from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I was in the ER, with my first episode. I don't think I was ever more scared and alone

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?

DS, is overcoming some of his obstacles, new house and new job

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not expanding the family

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Developed a heart condition, that will be fixed hopefully in the spring

11. What was the best thing you bought?
DVD/VCR combo that records DVDs and converts VHS into DVDs.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My Mom for always being there to help out when we needed her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The Minister of Education

14. Where did most of your money go?

House repairs

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Moving into our new house

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
I don't want to live on the Moon (Ernie, Sesame Street)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
I think I am happier. Same weight, same money situation

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travelling

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008?

With my Mom, Robbie and Karen, perfect!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
still in love

22. What are your three favorite photos of 2008?

Robbie as pumpkin, Robbie on the slide and Robbie in Children's Museum

23. What was your favorite TV program?

One Life to Live

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
Thai food and Cake with my Family

25. What was the best book you read?

Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

None, Robbie owns the stereo

27. What did you want and get?

The new house

28. What did you want and not get?

Another Child

29. What were your favorite film this year?

Sex and the City Movie

30. Did you make some new friends this year?

Yes, some great new ones at playgroup

31.What is one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having another child

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

I lost my fashion sense when I got pregnant, so it is kind of old mom style

33. What kept you sane?

Lesley, Josee and my Family

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

French Immersion changes

35. Who did you miss?

Dave, Dad, Lena, Ernie

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Amy

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

To be happy for what I have, I could always have less. Enjoy, each day and appreciate how truly lucky I am to have my family and friends.

Some Holiday Photos.

So, far we have been to Karen's work party, playgroup Party, and preschool party. Here are a few photos from that!
Happy Holidays to all!

Disaster Update

Well, it is good and bad. Bad news is the insurance will not cover our roof. The good news is we don't need a new roof. It will cost $250 to fix and is being fixed tomorrow. More good news is our insurance is covering the inside damage, bad news we have to pay a $500 deductable.. They will have to fix the walls, ceiling, electrical and our furnace. It is going to take a few weeks to fix, but we are on our way. Right now I have partial electricity back in my bathroom and kitchen and a working stove. After 2 days of microwave cooking by flashlight it is a relief. And the two rooms that were damaged, were the two rooms we hadn't renovated yet, we were going doing to do them after Christmas. So, at least none of Karen's renovations were ruined. We are going to try and ignore the chaos and go out and buy a Christmas Tree tomorrow.

Disaster Day

What a day. I woke up with my cold worse and my almost not able to use my voice. It is also super windy and rainy. Worked in the morning feeling miserable. Came home at lunch. Guess what? The roof is leaking. It is leaking right through the lights on the ceiling. The fire department came and turned off 75% of our electricity, including the heat and the stove. The roofers say we need a new roof. We don't have the money for a new roof. We have sank all our money and credit into renovating the house. The insurance adjusters are coming tomorrow. They will cover it if it is wind damage. Praying it is wind damage. I WISH WE NEVER BOUGHT A HOUSE. AND I DON"T KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO?

Small Complaint

A lot of my dearest online friends are giving birth or about to give birth to babies. My hears swells for happiness for them, because I have cried with along with them, during their long difficult journeys. I remember so well the joy they feel now, I felt it too when pregnant and after birth. And every day I feel lucky to have the best boy in the world. But, here is the hard part; I have worked hard in the last year and half to put my failed ttc#2 journey behind me. I have moved on happily to the idea of adopting an older child. But, sharing in their joy makes me remember what I am missing out on. As much as I want an older child, I also still want a baby. I want to be pregnant, and to breast feed and hold a tiny life close and tight. I will probably won't have a baby in my life until I am a grandmother. Even if I want to ttc and give it one last shot. I can't, my health does not allow it. My body failed me by not getting pregnant last year, and kept on going by leaving it impossible for me to ttc. I mean it is possible, but it would be so high risk, that it would not be fair to Karen and Robbie. I guess it is possible after the surgery, maybe 39 won't too late? Maybe, I will be happy with Robbie and older child. It is just new babies bring that longing back.
On a good note I am done my adoption training. Home study should be in 2 or 3 months. I am hoping we have placement early summer after my surgery is complete.

Gaps in life

I have a small gap in my life, I know nothing about. I was given up for adoption at birth and my parents got be when I was 4 months old. My birth mother has told me about my conception, her pregnancy and my birth. My Mom has told me my stories from 4 months on. What is missing is my first 4 months. I have no pictures of me as a new born, no stories about my first few days, my first smile, how did I sleep, was I healthy? I have always been curious where was I, does my foster family remember me? Especially since Robbie's birth I have wondered, did I look like him as a new born, was I fussy and clingy like him? Did I have reflux like him? Well, I may get a few answers soon.
As you all know I am doing adoption training. One of the trainers is has been working for the department for about 30 years. She worked with people who were foster families in the early 80's who fostered babies, these were the same families that fostered babies in 1970, when I was a baby. She said there were only 3 or 4 families and they are all alive. She is going to do some research for me and see if she can find out who it was. I am excited to maybe complete the missing part of my life. I don't want a big relationship with them. Just maybe a meeting and any information they remember about me.

My little Singing Star

Okay, He is not the next Canadian Idol! But, he is mine and will only be 4 and this enthusiastic once.

Praying and Preschool, what to do?

I am asking my bloggers friends for help with a delicate issue I need to handle. Sometimes, I have a hard time not being a steam roller when it comes to my ds.
My ds just started preschool last week. We love the school and the teachers. And most importantly ds loves it there!

Here is the background to my problem. We are not a religous family. We believe there is a God or higher power. But, we do not belong to a church or identify with any religion, Christian, Jewish, Islam or otherwise. I believe that there are many wonderful religions but have not found one that fits me. I believe that everyone has a right to chose their own faith, church, or chose none or be an atheist. I have Christain, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, and Atheist friends. We have not talked with Robbie about God, as he is little and our beliefs are complex. I plan to let him explore what ever religion or religions he chooses as he grows, and I support him 100%!
The preschool is in a church hall, but it is not a church preschool. It says nothing in the material we have been given about being a faith based program. The first time we went they did a basic prayer before snack. We thought about it and said no problem. We will have a basic God talk, so he knows what is going on.
Here is the issue finally: We showed up early today. And they were telling him he couldn't have snack until he prayed. I felt upset. I mean this is not Sunday School. I don't mind the prayer, but he should not be forced to do this to eat. I talked with him after. And told him what God was on a basic level. And I asked him if he wanted to pray with the class. He said Yes. I told him if he doesn't, tell me and I will make sure he doesn't have too.
I am still bothered and wanted to talk to the teacher. And tell her we don't pray at home. And say, I would like Robbie to have the choice about whether he prays or not. Snack should not be dependent on it. I had to sign forms to agree to lots of things, field trips, medical, time-outs. This was never messaged.
How can I handle this delicately? I don't want to offend the teacher and her belifs. And I don't want to be the problem Lesbian Mom, of the new kid. Because you know that is what they will think. But, I do not want my son forced in to something, that has not been discussed with me and I am not comfortable with. Thanks if you actually took the time to read this.

Lesbians Attacked outside kids school

I am stunned, I just read this article about 2 lesbian Mom's being attacked outside their kids elementary school. I can't believe this happened in Canada
Click here to read the story

Halloween

Halloween is a big deal around here. Mainly, because Robbie is really into it. He said it is better than Christmas. He picked his costume last year, a few days after halloween on a clearance rack and stuck to the decision.

Our Halloween started on Tuesday, where his social skills group had a party and practiced trick or treat. He could barely contain himself or stay in his seat that day. He was the only child that would not take his costume off for snack. And during the practice trick or treat he turned down plain chips because he doesn't like them. I had a talk with him after, I told him if he does that on Halloween he will hurt peoples feelings. I said if he took all the plain chips, I would buy him a big bag of dill pickle.

On Thursday there was a pj halloween party at Playgroup. He refused to where pjs to a halloween party. So, my little pumpkin was the only one in costume. It didn't seem to bother him.

On Friday, we went to a Halloween party in the morning at Lily Lake. My little pumpkin got to me the Magician's helper and was thrilled. The only bad part about the party was the trolley ride around the park. One of the horses was going slow and the driver his it hard with leather twice. The horse never sped up. And the poor thing had a another group waiting for it, when we came back. I talked with Robbie about it and he doesn't want to go on more Trolley rides. He thanked the horses and told them they did a good job. I am putting in a complaint.

Friday night we went to the Mall trick or treating and did a few blocks nearby. I had a hard time that night. My heart was racing, in spite of several ativans. So, I stayed at the end of the driveways, and let him and Karen go up the stairs to houses. Of course he told everyone who gave him plain chips that he didn't like them and he was giving them to Mommy. SIGH. After Trick or Treating we went to my Mom's where he gets a huge bag of special treats. I swear I have enough Candy for a whole school! Then we topped it off with fireworks at the lake.

Hopefully next year, we will have 2 kids trick or treating and my heart will be all fixed.

My son the photographer

Robbie has been really into taking photos. And you know what? He is really good. Remember he is only 4 and half and is small motor delayed at a 3 year old level. I was not taking pictures this good until I was 12. I am posting a few for all to see.

Good-bye Baby Corey

Karen's cousin Chrissy had her baby way too early. A tear in her lining made her give birth to a 1 lb baby, at 2 days less of 26 weeks. Baby Corey fought for a little over a week and passed away today. Robbie will never play with baby Corey like he played with Corey's big sister Caitlyn. Their will not be photos of all the cousins together. My heart goes out to Corey's parents Chrissy and Chris. Good-bye baby Corey, we never met you, but you are a part of our family forever.

Update on us freinds and family

It has been awhile since we wrote and we have been busy with appointments and company. Karen's parents have been here for a week from Montreal. Robbie has been so happy, he hasn't seen them in over a year. His strong bond with his Grandfather, that begin at birth, has not been broken by the miles. They were always playing and cuddling. They leave today and he will be sad.
My dear friends more Montreal have been found not guilty of the child abuse charges. They had 4 professionals on their side. Their adoption of their son will not be stalled and will happen on time next month. That was the good news. The bad news is they feel like they can't trust anyone anymore. Worse of all they think the complaint came from a member of their own family. The therapist that works with their son, said they may get another complaint, because people don't always understand special needs children's behaviour (their son is being investigated for Fetal Alcohol syndrome).
Also, Karen's cousin had her baby at a little less than 26 weeks, a week ago. The little guy is making great strides, but he only weighs a pound. He is in our thoughts and prayers.
Robbie's assessment came back and his small motor and visual motor skills are considered only 34 months he is (4 and half or 54 months). And his sensory issues are getting worse. Every where else he is on target. We have an Occupational Therapist who is working with him weekly. So, we hope he will be caught up by kindergarten.
We are also working on Robbie's transfer for kindergarten. We feel our neighborhood school is wrong because it has a middle school. With having 2 Mom's I prefer he be in an elementary school environment. Being in the school system I know all that homophobic stuff starts in middle school. Robbie should not have to worry about that. So, I found a small elementary school across town, the kindergarten teacher enjoys working with boys with social problems and is pro gay families. So, I have my fingers crossed!
We started our training yesterday. Yesterday, was one of 2 all day sessions, along with 5 night sessions. I don't mind the night ones. I don't like the all day ones, I hate missing a whole day with Robbie. And to be honest I am not comfortable with how much they are building the birth parent up, it seemed to be the focus of the first session. I know depending on the child's age and circumstances they may have contact. We do not plan on taking a child with birth parent visits. And we want a much younger child, not a preteen or teen. This would work best for us and our family. I find it hard this discussion. I never knew my birth Mom until I was an adult. And the time I spent with her was damaging to be and my soul. She pulled me down and I decided to cut her off. After all she did give me life, but that's it. How long to you owe someone for that. I am glad she wasn't in my life as a child. She was a child herself. I don't thing she could contribute anything to my life, only bad examples and confusion. I won't even talk about my birth father (whose only contribution to her pregnancy was unplanned sex), Let just say he is in jail and the world is safe. I also, did not like to think of myself as adopted, my family was my family, I just came to it in a different way than my friends. I think today if a child is put up for adoption under the age of 5 and the parent is not fit and reunification is not possible, a break should be made. How confusing is it to be pulled between two families? I know the department disagrees with and have their stats to prove it. But, we all do not fit neatly on charts.

More bad news from Montreal

I found out today from our friends (the ones that have had a complaint against them) that a common acquaintance may be losing the child they were hoping to adopt. We first met these two ladies at a fostering with a view to adopt seminar 5 years ago. We did not pursue it as I was pg and didn't know it. They adopted a little boy who was placed with them at 4 days old. Last year these 2 mom's took in a little 18 month old in the fostering with a view to adopt program. They were getting ready to finalize the adoption when they got a call. The child is Cree and the Cree's have their own social agency for placement and adoption and they want the child and want it to be placed with a Cree family. I am all for kids being placed with families of the same cultural background. But, that should have been checked out a year ago, and papers signed before the child was placed. This is not in the best interest of the child.
All this is making me nervous. We have all our paperwork done and are awaiting one more document before starting training and home visit. It is a scary risk. This coupled with knowing a lot of people with babies. Part of me is still struggling with giving up being pg again and having a baby. I love babies. I watched DW hold a crying baby today while Robbie was in his preschool group, and soothe him. She was so good and so happy holding the baby. I thought I would cry. We loved Robbie's babyhood. I am excited to give an older child a home and Robbie a sibling close in age. But, part of me also wants a baby! Okay done having a tantrum.

Still Here

I have been MIA lately. Two reasons. First the good.
I have been working around the clock planning the launch party fir sjkid and making sure the site was ready for launch. I love this job. I am meeting the most amazing smart women. Women who have either do not work for pay (volunteer), work part-time or work full time with flex schedules. They have all found away to combine work and parenting, without sacrificing intellectual stimulation or quality time with their children. It is inspiring! The launch went well here are some pictures from it http://www.sjkid.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=354&Itemid=355

The bad. My wonderful dear friends in Montreal are having a major snag in their adoption. They have had been falsely accused of horrible things by a homophobic neighbor. They are the best people. They have an open house where people are invited to drop in at anytime and told to stay for dinner. They brought us fully prepared meal when Robbie was home from having surgery and we couldn't go out! They have 2 children one birth child and one who was about to be adopted by them. Both of them are special needs kids. They spend all their time at appointments seeing specialists to help the kids, mostly out of pocket. This is so unfair!

Update

To say life has been busy would be a understatement. I have been working non-stop on the new website and its launch party, taking Robbie to his new group and filling out paperwork.

To go back a little, the adoption information was very informative. And they were very positive about finding forever homes for kids. We were the only same-sex family there, such is life in a small community. We left thinking we couldn't adopt because Robbie's room is to small. We went home and got the real estate plans out and it is just right, about 14 inch's over the limit. We also came home with a load of paperwork. We needed a police check, medical form, 3 references, birth, divorce, marriage certificate, adoption application, Marriage questionnaire, self-questionnaire, child-behavoiur questionnaire, autobiography, questionnaire for child, questionnaire about child. Is that enough? It is all very invasive and overwhelming. One questionnaire asks about our sex life, is it good and describe. Can you believe that? It also asks Robbie who he likes better and who he fights more with. I feel this inappropriate questions to ask a child. Am I wrong? As much, as I hated it I did it. It would be easier to poke my self with needles then do this. But, I will because I want to expand my family. Our only worries left are: do we have too many cats (5) and is our house in too much need of repair? After we pass in our paperwork training starts on October 25th.

Life with Robbie has been busy. He started back at his regular playgroup. And we were all happy to see old friends. Robbie is so comfortable and happy there, I know he will miss it next year. He also started a new group for social skills. It is him, 5 other children and 2 instructors. The parents are aloud to watch through a 2 way mirror. It is so good for him, he has to wait, take turns, stay in his seat, and ask nicely when he wants something. A few times he got frustrated and pouted when he was sent back to his seat. But, that is amazing if he were with us and got asked to sit down and wait his turn, he would throw himself on the floor and freak. Amazing what kids will do for others, they won't do for their parents! Robbie is also making more friends. He has gone to 3 parties in the last week.

My job is taking up most of my life. We are putting the finishing touches on the site. I am so proud of it. Who knew that on Saturday there are 8 different family activities in the city? I am so happy I can help other families find things to do and connect. The party planning for the launch has been intense, sending information to the press and handing out flyers and booking entertainment and finding food donations. But, I am doing it, and feeling like I am in my element!

The last update is, I heard from the heart clinic. Before I see the specialist, who is called a Electrophysiologist. I have to go for an ECHO ultrasound. Then I will be called for a consult for the Ablation. It feels like things are finally going somewhere. My medicine is working a lot better, I have had only one spike in 3 weeks. Although, I am avoiding high excitement situations like fairs and concerts. I am hoping things stay calm for the launch party. So, I am here, being a busy WAHM.

Busy working

I have been so busy working 2 jobs that I haven't had time to write. We attended the adoption information session the other day, I will write about that soon, I just have to process all we have to do. In the meantime, I have been working really hard at my new job setting up the new website. It is really starting to come together. Check it out if you get a chance and tell me what you think http://www.sjkid.com