Feeling a little better.

Well, I am starting to feel a little better. And I am going to see an Allegist in January, to try and figure out what food had me reeling on the floor shaking and too dizzy to lift my head for an hour and half. Now, I just have to heal mentally. It had brought back my panic attacks, just when I think I have them beat something happens. For now I am only eating food I am familiar with this should help me somewhat and make me stop worrying about what if it happens again and I am alone with the baby or worse driving.

Well, the hoilidays are here and beside being a little anxious, I am a little down. This the first year we have not gone home to be with my Mom. I am going to miss her and I hate the thought of her visiting my Aunt in the nursing home alone on Christmas day. But, I have a job interview at home in January, so Robbie and I will get to spend a few days with her soon enough.

I am grateful that I have Robbie and Karen to spend the holidays with. And that I have a great family and friends both near and far and that is what is important. I hope anyone reading this has a good holiday.

SO SICK!

I am currently recovering for a bad food reaction (horrible involved almost passing out and laying on the floor shaking for an hour and half) and a stomach virus. No blogging for awhile.

My ex-girlfriend and lack of sleep

Well occasionally, I check my ex-girlfriends blog. I hadn't in a few months because well it is basically full of a lot of sex, and until recently I had been going through a dry spell. Plus, it is sometimes hard to hear about an ex's sex life, and believe me she has sex more than anyone I know. But, I like to read it once in awhile because she lives far away and I miss her. She was my first girlfriend we went out for 6 months broke-up for awhile, got back together for another 6 months and broke-up again. She is really fun, can make me laugh and taught me how to really love myself for who I am. We never did work out because she likes open relationships (with men and women) and I wanted to settle down and have a family. So, we both got what we wanted and are enjoying the lives we have. Now, I read her blog yesterday and found out she is going to be on the next season of "Kink". For those not Canadian that is a a reality show on the Showcase network, which documents those involved in a well Kinky lifestyle, it mixes clips of their "activities" with interviews about their lifestyle. So, I guess I will watch it, I am sure it will a surreal experience, especially watching it with Karen. Oh, my God I hope my Mother does not see it, that would be too much for her, but lucky she does not usually watch Showcase, because she call it the naked station. This makes me think my best friend and I have a theory that all our exs should move to a deserted Island where they build statues of us to worship and think about how much better life would be with us. Well, seeing your ex on TV doing r-rated things blows that theory away.

On another note Robbie had 3 nights of great sleep, falling asleep unassisted 80% of the time. Well, last night he was up 5 times and needed my help. I should not brag when things go well!

Sleep success of sorts

Wow, I am so thrilled, I just had to post. Robbie and I are having some sleep success. The other night he woke up at 4 and Karen changed his diaper and laid him back beside me. Well, I had planned on rubbing his back or nursing him, but before I had a chance to he rolled around a little and fell asleep on his own! ON HIS OWN! So, last night when he woke at 4 we did the same routine (diaper, lay beside me) and he fell asleep on his own again! When he awoke at 6 I ignored him and he fell asleep on his for a second time. During the whole night, last night, I only had to help him fall back asleep once! Wow! I hope this continues. It makes such a difference for me physically and mentally. Now, if only he could fall asleep and the beginning of the night and for nap on his own. But, I will not be greedy and just be happy for this!

I'm cutting back

I have not posted in awhile. And it is because last week I discovered I have a problem. I am addicted to blogs, and internet groups. Recently there has been a lot of drama going on my internet groups and some spilling over to people's blogs. And not only have I found myself getting involved in this, stating my thoughts and opinions on whatever controversy is at hand, I was thinking about it a lot, signing on the internet multiple times a day; when Robbie is napping and as soon as he went to sleep & first thing in the morning. I was thinking about it and talking about it with my real friends when not online. Then all of sudden I was actually feeling hurt and disillusioned by one debate, it hit a little close to home. At this point I sat down and said to myself, why am I so embroiled and invested in the lives of faceless strangers. I have real friends. I could really use my spare time to make phone calls to them and catch-up. I have made a handful of good online friends and I am glad. But, these online friends should not be my existence, I feel it is time to go back to my own life and be fully present in it.
Now, I am not going cold turkey. I am not quitting groups or stopping blogging and I am still reading blogs. I am just cutting back. So, I will not blog as often, or post as often. But, I am still here. I am just busy reassessing my life and trying to be a better real life friend, partner and Mommy.

Wish I was a stay at home mommy

Sigh, right now I miss my boy so much. I am at work and I will see him in an hour and 15 minutes, but that seems so far away and the day has been long. Today, is one of those days I wish I was a stay at home Mommy. At the end of January, I will be for a few months. My job is ending and we will be moving at the end of March. But once we have moved I will have to find a full-time job. The truth is we can not afford it right now to have one of us at home. And if we ever can have one us at home it will be Karen, because I have the training to make much more money. And I don't know if I were at home, if I would miss the adult intellectual stimulation. It is pointless to wonder because unless I win the loto it is not happening.
I am sitting here and I have my desktop set up to a slide show of Robbie pictures, maybe I shouldn't do that, maybe that makes it harder. I feel like I am missing stuff and I know he is missing me. Just needed to vent.

Personality quiz

Thanks to Casey for this quiz. I find this funny and true. And it is funny because I live with a noisy toddler and a wife who never shuts up.

Catherine

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

The election again

Well, the homophobic conservative party is offering lots of goodies if they win; a reduction on GST (sales tax) and $1200 for each child under 6. This seems to make people forget they are trying to over turn the gay marriage law, if they even care. In a yahoo group I belong to, comprised of punk rockers from my home province, they are debating the election. Talking about if it is good to have it in the winter and talking about the reduced GST. What the hell? They are talking like the gay marriage doesn't even exist. Granted I am the only gay person in this group. But, I am disturbed to see how far away the issue is from the straight folk, especially such a usually political group. And I wonder would I be like them if it was a different issue, say less rights for the disabled, less rights for immigrants. I hope I would be worried about it and not excited about false promises of tax cuts.

In a bad mood

I have been in a bad mood for the past 24 hours. It started yesterday, our friends came over with their daughter who I thought was recovering from larengetsis, but it was the croup (this was all a english/french translation misunderstanding). I scrubbed everything down after they left. Fingers crossed Robbie does not get it, because with previous respiratory problems this would be hard on him. Then Karen and Robbie had breakfast in my office, I didn't want them to come. I was under a big deadline this morning and Karen is slow in the morning and made me late. And as much as I adore my son, a toddler running around my office causing mayhem is a distraction. SO, Karen and I argued bigtime at my office, in the middle of this one of my bosses grad students came in and used the printer, she isn't supposed to but ordinarily it was not a big deal, but I was trying to print out important deadline documents for my boss. And so I snapped at her too. The problem with Karen and I, is we work opposite schedules and only get to see each other on weekends, and weekends we try to play catch with the house, bill and friends. So, we are not communicating and end up getting angry, which in the long run is more time consuming, then just finding time to talk things out. Know that my deadline has passed. I feel guilty for being so Cranky with everyone. I wish Karen and I could spend the day together, but she works when I get home. And next weekend is busy, birthday dinner for her mom on Saturday and Lesbian Mom's Christmas Party on Sunday. TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY!

He's polite!

I brought Robbie in some fish crackers last night. And I said, " Fishy for Robbie" as I handed it to him. He looked at me and said "Tank you". Aw, melt my heart. He has never said it before with out prompting. I am so proud.

Big Fat Bloody lip

My son is like me he learns the hard way. My mom told me when I was little not to touch the Iron it was hot and would hurt. What did I do, I touched it and got burnt. Never did again.
Now, my son last night was sitting in his plastic toddler chair. He slip his legs in the hole under the arm rest. I say "don't do that Robbie you will hurt yourself". He ignores me and leans forward and fall face first on the floor before I can get across the room. He screams. I run to get him, assuming he is okay, because our floor has those foam puzzle pieces. He looks up at me with blood all over his face, he looks like a vampire with a fresh kill. I wipe him off and examine him. His teeth went into the back of his lip inside his mouth. So, he has puncture marks inside his mouth and on the outside it is purple and swollen. I have to get a picture of this. He is only 19 months and he has had one flat lip and previously a black eye. I hope he has learned from this.

People at work annoy me!

Lately people at work have been driving me mad. Except my boss I love her. The tech people yelled at me last week for my bosses last minute scheduling. Then when they see her they are sweet as pie. Now, her new TA is too busy to prepare for her course and I am doing, I don't mind I have been doing this stuff and well for 6 years. I told her no problems, just drop off the book. Well, she sent me a nasty email about me infringing on her time. Oh, my god again she take this up with my boss, who wanted her to help, not me who said I need no help. I am beginning to fell like a clerk at Wal-mart with angry customers blaming me. It is not my job to be bitched at because your scared to bitch at the boss. And she does find out, I let her know, so save the time and go to the source. I have decided to not take it anymore. I am cutting people off right away and telling them to take it up with her, not me, it is not worth my time and energy. And really my boss wants to know what is on their minds. Argh!