Good bye old car, Hello new car

Today, we bought a new car. It is a Pontiac Wave, it is pretty new, a good deal. We really needed it. On our old car the body was rusted and in need of repair, the brakes were squeaking and the muffler sounded like a tank. No sense in putting money in an 11 year old car. We will miss our old car. Karen and I had just started dating in 1999 when she pulled up in the car, the first she had ever bought on her own. We had many "special" moments in there, wink, wink. We took all our friends out in it, took vacations. Karen worked 2 jobs when I was pregnant to pay it off early. We brought our son home from the hospital in it. I will miss it. But, this new one is pretty cool. Even my Mom who was scared to drive a new car, was thrilled after a few minutes of driving and threatening to keep it. Below are some pictures of the new car, look for the one of My Mom smiling, she hates camera's, so this is rare. Also, a goodbye shot of the old car!

Heart Update

I went to the Dr. yesterday. My sleep apnea test was not in. My 48 hour halter monitor showed no abnormalities, no weird rhythms or patterns. The monitor did show a number of unusual spikes in heart rate, not attributed to activity. So, she put me on Atenol. I am to monitor myself over the next few weeks and up dose as needed. I need to get my heart rate down, without lower my blood pressure too much. She thinks I will need to up my medicine a few times. SO, far it is making me spacey. She is also referring me to the electrical cardiologist for catheter ablation. I will go for the consult and weigh my options. If it is an easy recovery, I may bite the bullet and get it done. If it is a hard recovery, I may wait until Robbie is older. He climbs me a lot and I don't want him to mess up the recovery. When he is a few years older he may understand recovery better.
In other news, on my way to get a new car!

For Lisa: A start

I don't have any pictures of my other 4 cats, that are digital, they are all on film. I will take some of them, when they come out and stop being mad about fuzzy. But, Lisa you asked, so here is one more family member. My dog Bella.

New Blog Name, New Family Member

I caught one of the stray kittens and we have decided to keep it. We are still trying to find homes for the other 5 and their Mother. The blog name has been changed in honor of our new addition. The kitten is 6 weeks old and named Fuzzy by Robbie. We love it. The other cats hate it! And Fuzzy hates the dog, who desperately wants to make friends. Here are some pictures of our new family member.

Time well spent!

Karen took Robbie grocery shopping and I stayed home. My son is the light of my life. But, he is a clingy monkey and climbs me and is on me all day long. I am really saturated because Karen has been doing overtime and I don't work in the summer. So, it was a nice break to have him out and have my space. What did I do with my time? Did I, clean, renovate, laundry, bills????? NOPE. I did nothing. I didn't get dressed, I put my feet up and watched bad daytime TV. It was a little piece of heaven!

Happy and Sad, or just confused

We went to get the last of Robbie's shots at public health today. I ended up talking to the nurse about some of his issues. He has real sensory issues. He can't stand to wear shoes and socks, when we go out he takes them off every 10 minutes. When he gets home, he can't stand to be dressed and strips to a t-shirt. He does not like me to brush his teeth, as he doesn't like his face held. He has certain food aversions, he won't eat mashed food (just like me.)He is obsessed with plastic food and groceries. His gross motor is a little behind, he can't ride his tricycle or hop on one foot and is clumsy. He won't let me teach him to draw or print, or colour in the lines. And in the winter he is clingy, and just out of control behaviour wise. We had the Autism talk, and I helped her rule that out, his speech, comprehension, understanding of others and communication skill are beyond excellent. The nurse referred him for physiotherapy and occupational therapy. And I had a call from a social learning program, he was referred to this at his 3 and half year check-up, in the winter. It is a program to help him with transitions and social interaction with peers, all which are problem areas. So, he has an assessment for that, to see which group he will go to (they try to fit together similar children). I was telling her about my talk with the nurse, and she was concerned too. She said she would carefully screen him and would probably refer him to a developmental specialist and their team.

I don't how to feel. His problems have overwhelming me, tiring me out and worrying me. His ped. brushed us off when I saw him for the winter behaviour. I am relieved someone is listening and going to get him help. Now, is the time, as he goes to school in 2009.

The other part of me is upset. I feel he has a lot of good qualities. He is loving, affectionate, a great conversationalist, has a wonderful imagination, good with babies and pets. He is very advanced verbally and doing well with early reading skills. Maybe these are his quirks? Maybe 2 kinds of therapy, a social group and his play group is overkill? Maybe he will grow out of his issues or they won't be as significant as he gets older (I dealt with my own texture problems and motor skill problems).

Also, how did this happen? Did I hand him down some crappy genes, as I have had some of these problems myself. And is this because I am a bad parent? Shouldn't I be able to handle all this myself. Shouldn't my MA in child studies and my almost finished PhD in education made me see these problems earlier? Shouldn't my background enable me to help him, without a bunch of interventions?

I am just going to suck it all up. Follow the steps and get my son the help he needs. I am happy he is getting help he needs and someone listened. But, I am also confused and baffled. And sad, I want his life to be smoother, an average kid. With my motor problems, lack of social skills and big brain, I had trouble making friends and fitting in. I wanted better for him. Maybe the help will help us find a better spot. I am just sad we have to go there.

PSVT driving me crazy

PSVT is driving me crazy. Yesterday, for no reason my heart started beating at 144 just getting up getting Robbie a snack, about 45 minutes to get it back to normal. And the rest of the night was spent on the couch. This morning was normal until 10:00 another 45 minute attack, hovering between 135-142 just sitting up doing nothing. I never know what to do, wait it out, call an ambulance. I can not wait until my appointment next week, I need medicine for this. Something in my heart is sending a very mixed up message. And let me say last night it was a challenge to look after Robbie during the episode. I also couldn't play with him, which makes me feel guilty.

New Residents at my house

As you all know, I have a whole groundhog family, including babies living on my property. That is fine, we feed them and they can take care of themselves quite well. Well, now we have new residents. Ones I am concerned for. A mommy cat and her 4 kittens are living under our shed (The picture above is of them, but they are too scared to get a good picture). The kittens are only about 3 or 4 weeks old. We are feeding them. We don't dare bring them in, I can't bring them in here, there is no private room where my cats can't access them, besides Robbie's room. We thought of the local animal shelter, but they are a kill shelter, that is currently overrun with cats and is putting most of them down. It is warm and nice out, we are feeding them, and then plan to give them away when they are a few weeks older. We can't keep them as we already have 4 very old cats. I hope I am doing the right thing by feeding them and letting them stay where they are for now. I have sent out 80 emails to local friends hoping to find a home. Any advice from fellow bloggers? How would you handle this?

Another ER Trip

I spent the morning in the ER yesterday. I was up the night before with all sorts of weird symptoms. I had pressure in my chest, I was nervous, nauseous, gassy, and my limbs were weak. I kept checking my heart and it was beating normal, usually I would be having a PSVT episode with these symptoms. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. No such luck. In the morning I went to the ER. The dr. told me I probably had an episode in my sleep and was experiencing the aftermath. He said when my dr. puts me on meds this won't happen. The end of the month and my appointment can't come fast enough. Then I will have something to help, and maybe I will get up the nerve to ask for the referral for the procedure to fix it. I can't live like this. It is disruptive and nerve wracking. I was so torn in the middle of the night, do I get up and ask to go to the hospital and disrupt the whole family or do I wait it out. Yesterday, Karen was supposed to work overtime and couldn't cause she was sitting in the waiting room worrying about me. I want my life back.

Another Fun Summer Day

Not much time to blog these days. Too busy enjoying summer. I will have something to say soon, when the sun hides. For now here are some pictures from todays outing with Robbie's best friend!

First Day in the Wading Pool

The weather has been crappy until a few days ago! So, we have had Robbie's pool sittng in our kitchen waiting to be used. Today, the sun is shining adn we brought it out and my best friends son came over. The two of them had a ball in the pool. So, did Mommy dipping her feet in! Next, time I think I will hop right in!

Trying to forget TTC

Since I haven't been ttc, I have trying to ignore my cycle. I don't even remember my LMP. I am trying to move forward and spend the summer enjoying my family and the fall working on expanding it through adoption. But, I can't ignore the signals my body is giving me. I have such big time signs of ovulation. I hate it. When I was ttc Robbie my body wouldn't do it on my own. Now, that I can't ttc here comes the perfect cycles. Someone up there is having a joke on me. Not funny.

Just Family Fun

I have nothing exciting to blog about, nothing big good or bad happened. We just had a nice family weekend. Went to my friends, baby's first birthday party, at the beach Saturday. Robbie had a ball in and out of the water. Today, we went to the ocean and the playground. Robbie fell in the ocean and got soaked to the skin. These are the kind of things I looked forward to, in the hard years of ttc. And now they are a wonderful reality. Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Why do I do it?

I have heard of people who stop eating when they are full. They turn away yummy food because they had enough. I wish I got it. Twice today, I have ate when I was not hungry. I am sitting here right now with a empty cake plate. I had a big piece of cake after supper, even though I was full. Why do I do it? I am throwing out that cake tomorrow.

I knew it would happen

I have tried to raise my son with no clear cut gender roles or rules. He can play with whatever toy he wants, have whatever sheets he wants, and wear whatever clothes he wants (with in reason, he can have girls socks outside of the house, but nighties at home, as I know people are judgemental, especially to lesbians raising boys). The only difference we have told him is the boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. The result was a toddler and preschooler who loves to play with plastic food, playdough, spiderman, dolls and cars. He loves his Dora sheets with Barney pillow cases. He loves his superhero t-shirts and wears and nightie instead of pjs. But, I knew it wouldn't last and the real world would seep in. When he plays with Sadie she is always the princess, his role is ever changing, but never the princess, because he says girls are princesses. He just gave me one his stickers yesterday because it was pink and told me pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Sigh. But, he hasn't morphed into a full fledged macho man. He still loves his plastic food, and chooses the toys at McDonald's based on which one looks fun. But, instead of just saying "I want toy A or B". He know says "Give me the girl toy or the boy toy". Hopefully, I have given him the building blocks, to keep an open mind on what is "girl" and "boy" and continue to enjoy whatever he likes and not feel confined to what is "boy".

Feeling Better

Sorry for my downer post. It is just things have been so busy around here. Karen has been working overtime and doing house repairs and I have been doing all the childcare. I felt a little burned out and not noticed by DW. And when you are always with your child, there is no place to bitch and whine, so I did it here. Thanks for listening. My Mom took Robbie and I out for Supper tonight (DW is working). You can always count on your Mom to make you feel special on your birthday. I am very lucky to have her! To lighten things up here is a picture of my one year birthday!

Feeling Unappreciated by my Family

I know birthday's at my old age are not a big deal. But, I at least expect some love from my family. We had a celebration Sunday, DW and DS argued with each other and me. Robbie tried to destroy my cake. I thought maybe this morning would be better (my real birthday). DW wipper snipped and DS pooped on the floor (for me to clean). DW, use to make me feel special, I don't expect diamonds or a party. Just some words or time. Sorry to be down.

Playtime at Dreamland

We drove out to the country today, with my best friend and her son. We went to a really cool playground called Dreamland. The boys had so much fun. Karen got lots of exercise too, chasing them!

Science Annoys Me!

I was watching "The View" yesterday, that what happens when you are home all day. They were talking about the "Gay" Genetic link. They say researchers have been studying brain structures of humans. Here is the amazing discovery. Gay men and straight women's brains look alike, as do lesbians and straight men. How stupid. I for one, know I am nothing like a straight man. I am a girly girl. I ask for directions, I despise sports, hate the taste of beer and am not visually stimulated (porn just confuses me). The only way I am like a man is I hate relationship talk, you know when your DP/DW says "honey we need to talk about communication". Well then I would rather watch TV.
And where do they find all these 100% gay and straight women. I believe sexuality is a continuum. Everyone falls somewhere in between, you know 80/20, 78/22, etc... How do those brain look? I identify as lesbian and find women much more attractive than men. But, I find the occasional man attractive and once was in a loving relationship with a man (although the bedroom was a bore). I would never rule anything 100% out. I have a friend who identifies as straight, an has a couple times been with a girl. She says "I am straight, but who doesn't like boobs?"
I think sexuality has lot of grey areas and that makes people uncomfortable. People need to believe people are either gay or straight and that they are that way from birth. That makes it easier for straight identified people to accept. And that makes gay people feel justified in being who they are. I personally don't care why people love who they love, my own intuition says it is probably a mingling of nature and life experiences. But, it doesn't matter. People just love who they love. Let's just celebrate who we are and leave science out of it. Maybe researchers could look for a discrimination gene and we could eradicate that.

New kid has 2 Daddies!

Robbie is a little sponge. And he has been listening to us talking about adoption. He has asked a ton of questions. He has asked when, boy or girl, will it be a baby? I have told him probably not until next year and it will not be a baby, a big boy like him. I asked him if he is willing to share Mom and Mommy, he says he is. But he tells me we will not be their Mom and Mommy. What will we be I ask? His answer "You guys will be his Daddy and Papa!"

A perfect Day at the Park!