We went to get the last of Robbie's shots at public health today. I ended up talking to the nurse about some of his issues. He has real sensory issues. He can't stand to wear shoes and socks, when we go out he takes them off every 10 minutes. When he gets home, he can't stand to be dressed and strips to a t-shirt. He does not like me to brush his teeth, as he doesn't like his face held. He has certain food aversions, he won't eat mashed food (just like me.)He is obsessed with plastic food and groceries. His gross motor is a little behind, he can't ride his tricycle or hop on one foot and is clumsy. He won't let me teach him to draw or print, or colour in the lines. And in the winter he is clingy, and just out of control behaviour wise. We had the Autism talk, and I helped her rule that out, his speech, comprehension, understanding of others and communication skill are beyond excellent. The nurse referred him for physiotherapy and occupational therapy. And I had a call from a social learning program, he was referred to this at his 3 and half year check-up, in the winter. It is a program to help him with transitions and social interaction with peers, all which are problem areas. So, he has an assessment for that, to see which group he will go to (they try to fit together similar children). I was telling her about my talk with the nurse, and she was concerned too. She said she would carefully screen him and would probably refer him to a developmental specialist and their team.
I don't how to feel. His problems have overwhelming me, tiring me out and worrying me. His ped. brushed us off when I saw him for the winter behaviour. I am relieved someone is listening and going to get him help. Now, is the time, as he goes to school in 2009.
The other part of me is upset. I feel he has a lot of good qualities. He is loving, affectionate, a great conversationalist, has a wonderful imagination, good with babies and pets. He is very advanced verbally and doing well with early reading skills. Maybe these are his quirks? Maybe 2 kinds of therapy, a social group and his play group is overkill? Maybe he will grow out of his issues or they won't be as significant as he gets older (I dealt with my own texture problems and motor skill problems).
Also, how did this happen? Did I hand him down some crappy genes, as I have had some of these problems myself. And is this because I am a bad parent? Shouldn't I be able to handle all this myself. Shouldn't my MA in child studies and my almost finished PhD in education made me see these problems earlier? Shouldn't my background enable me to help him, without a bunch of interventions?
I am just going to suck it all up. Follow the steps and get my son the help he needs. I am happy he is getting help he needs and someone listened. But, I am also confused and baffled. And sad, I want his life to be smoother, an average kid. With my motor problems, lack of social skills and big brain, I had trouble making friends and fitting in. I wanted better for him. Maybe the help will help us find a better spot. I am just sad we have to go there.
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4 comments:
I am sorry this is hard for you.
So you know Bliss will not wear shoes. In the car they come off between every stop. If in the grocery store and he is in the cart they come off. At the movies we bring socks so he can have his shoes off during the movie. Our rule is when the socks are off, if we are out at some place, no walking.
The second, and I mean second he gets home from anywhere, any time of year, he strips completely naked. He always has. As a kid I did too but I did it even when out and I did it until puberty at 13.
He has little interest in reading but this past month he is a little interested so we are working on letter sounds right now.
He has no interest in coloring but does enjoy using paintbrush online and goes wild sometimes. He is not interested in learning how to hold a pencil yet but we do it sometimes with a maze book or dot-to-dot book.
The teeth brushing is very very common. I finally made a rule after I had a fit one night. Now he has to say "YAY" when I ask "what do we say" when it is teeth brushing time. He is not crazy about it but he does it every time now and knows I made the rule because it hurt me to be trying to take care of him, to mama him, and he was complaining and whining about it so profusely.
All of these things I see as very very normal and am fine with. He is also not very socially advanced but I would rather raise him parent-centered than peer-centered. Gordon Neufeld has a great book called Hold On To Your Kids about this.
I think a lot can come down to how we want so much for them and we "think" they should be some place or at some level but that just makes life hard.
I found ways to work with his needs and quirks which made things a TON easier and happier. For example the shoe thing. I decided battling to keep them on was forever a losing battle so I figured out ways to work with it. In the car, in a cart, in a seat fine. Walking where it is dirty or he could get hurt he has to wear them. I also got some very comfy shoes for him after trying about 12 different brands and types so when he does have them on it is ok for a short time.
The shoes and clothes was easy for me because I had been that way. I vividly remember having claustrophobia of the feet when young. Bliss doesn't have that but I still remember the need for no shoes.
The reading interest is harder for me because I loved it early, but it is normal and so many of my friends kids started later and all is great now. We make sure we read books and he has grown up seeing his mama adore reading for pleasure which I think is huge.
The one thing I want to caution about in the gentlest way possible is doing anything that makes him brand himself "different" and "problematic" or "not like others" in a negative way. Remember the most awesome minds and most interesting people have had some of the most "out there" quirks and hang-ups.
Much much love and peace to you during this hard time.
p.s. sorry for the novel
Bleu, sounds like the boys have some things in common. I am more worried about the things that are making are lives unmangable, it is not just shoes, but socks too. It is such a battle to get them on. Or to keep him dressed when other kids are over. His bad social skills with peers, I want to work on to. The motor things I want to look at, to have tips on how to work with. I had exteme trouble and their is still stuff I can't do today. I don't want to label him. But, I want to see what tips the experts can give me to help him catch up a little. With school being a year away, I want him to be able to do as much as possible. We have raised him totally attachment parenting, but know I need address some problem areas. If someone laughs at him he doesn't realize it now, but I can remeber the uttter heartbreaking spirit crushing laughter of other children at 6. I want to make sure by the time he is 6, he has found his niche and I can avoid this. It is hard to have a child like you. Thanks for listening.
You're beating yourself up. I'm a licensed therapist too, and it's hard to see things in your own kids/family. RObbie is blessed to have a loving, concerned family that is willing to do whatever is necessary to make his life good. Even if he's not autistic, some of the same techniques may work with him in terms of avoiding overstimulation, like pressure massage, a quiet tent or something to cool off in, etc. You're on the right track to get him in to see people who can help! Best of luck to you!
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