Stupid Canadian Election

I am pretty laid back about politics. It is the Canadian way to be. And the NDP party, who is the party I vote for never gets more than a handful of seats in federal elections (they have won a few isolated provincial elections). Federal politics bounces back and forth between the liberals and the conservative. When one party fucks up the other one is voted in next time. The only thing the liberal party ever did that was good was vote in gay marriage. Now, after Robbie watched Sesame Street Monday, I flipped on the news and there was the house of commons voting that they had no confidence in the current liberal party goverment. Forcing the prime minister into a election. I thought hmm, that is pretty interesting and historic considering how laid back Canadians are about politics. Fast forward to last night, I am watching the news and they are showing speeches from party leaders. The conservative part leader (who is a shoe in to get elected considering the nonconfidence vote) is saying he wants to revoke the same-sex marriage law, he wants to put it before the house for a vote. What the fuck! If the house ends up being mostly conservative we know it will get voted out. He did say that all same-sex marriages that have occured will be left alone and considered valid. Thanks a lot homophobic asshole. This means Karen and I would still be considered married, but how long before they try to change that. And what about my friends who have not found the right life partner, will they be denied the right to marriage? People laughed at how quick Karen and I got married when the law came into effect. Our first wedding was set for when I was 37 weeks pregnant, Robbie came early and we quickly rescheduled to when he was 6 weeks old. We were worried the law would change.
My big problem is who do I vote for. I am a staunch NDP supporter they support gay marriage and are on the fringes of socialism. They are great party who want to help all minorities. But, usually they do not stand a chance of winning. Would I be throwing away my vote? Should I vote liberal, even though I do not think they are the right party, just so it is a vote against the conservatives. I feel that voting liberal is the only real way to protect gay marriage. And if the conservatives get in who know how many human rights we will lose. Wow, who thought this Canadian would expend so much energy thinking about federal politics.

I have been mistaken for straight again

I am always getting mistaken for Straight. It seems to never happen to my wife Karen. I guess she follows the "rules"; she has the right haircut, clothes, walks the walk, where her pride colours necklace, drinks beer on occassion and plays pool. I get hit on by guys regularly. I am always having to correct people at work who do not know me well, that my partner is a woman. I remeber I was a teaching assistant for a graduate class at the end of my pregnancy and remember discussing gay issues in elementary school with a group. And they of course said homophobic things and looked to be with my belly full of my gay conception looking for approval. They were shocked to find out I was gay and having a baby with a woman. Then I got that "You don't look gay/lesbian" from them. I get that a lot people seem to think it is a compliment. I have long blonde hair blue eyes and dress and am pretty girly. I look like a poster child for white middle-class heterosexual privellege (I am not middle class either), especially now with my little blonde son. I have tried on the role of outward lesbian appearance when I first came out and I did not like it, it was not me. I think it is great that some lesbians can throw gender roles out the window and look the way they want, I think they are beautiful, it is just not me.
Today, I found a blog through a link on another lesbian mom's blog. This lesbian woman is going through horrible infertiliy pain, she is having a hard time getting pregnant. When I read her blog I was filled with emotion, so sad for her and at the same time remembering my own infertility pain. I don't ovulate on my own, so it took me awhile to find this out, get the right treatment, and have that treatment finally work. It was a long painful process. I wrote to this women and told her I understood and hoped she got her miracle and how I conceived Robbie when I was ready to give up. She wrote me back saying they would not be getting pregnant by accident they were lesbians. Maybe it was the word miracle or maybe it was the fact I said I was ready to give-up when I found myself pregnant, maybe this is how a straight women would word it. Or maybe it is the picture of girly me and my son attached to any comments I make. Or maybe both. I feel bad this woman misunderstood me and I hope with all my heart she does get pregnant.
Although it is getting tiresome being mistaken for straight. Maybe I should dig out my rainbow necklace and find some nice lesbian quote to end emails with. Oh well, at least I was not mistaken for a drag queen again.

The inmates have taken over the asylum

Okay, I have 5 cats, 4 too many probably. Anyway, three of them sleep in a large room with food water and bedding, but the door is closed. This is because inamate 1 and 2 (Cassie and Cleo) have a need to wreck the flooring in the living room when we are not around, and we can not afford to replace it. Inmate #3 (gemini) is in their for her own protection because the big bully cat Princess (ironic isn't it) terrorizes her constantly when we are not there. Anyhow, I awoke the other morning to find these 3 cats strolling around the house, I thought did we not close the door? What happened the next night, the same thing. They can open the door! Why am I not suprised. It is funny all day the expect me to open doors, closets, cans, and clean up after them, when apparently they are quite capable of all of it. I am sure they make themselves sandwiches and make phone calls when we are out. Most things they just get us to do because they love to waited on. So, Karen has put a lock on the door. I am sure this will slow them down for a little bit. And we can buy some time before they completly take over. So, if you don't hear from me for a few days or you start seeing emails from me making demands for catnip or small rodents. Beware the cats have taken over the house, send help.

We went to See Santa

Karen had today off work so we went to the mall to see Santa. The resulting photo is posted, and you may note I am in it also, because Robbie is scared of the big red man this year. We sat him on his knee and he cried, he wouldn't even let me sit next to him. The best we could do was stand beside him, while Robbie glared at him in disapproval. Better luck next year Santa.

Book Launch

I have been recently published twice, I have a 2 chapters in edited books one very academic book

Just who do we think we are? Methodologies for self study in education

and one academic but a little more main stream & fun

Not Just Any Dress: Narratives of Memory, Body and Identity

Last night my bosses (the editors of both books) held a book launch for, Just who do we think we are, and Robbie and I both went. Robbie had a ball and stuffed himself with cheese and crackers and garlic dip and basked in the compliments and attention (so much attention, you would swear he was an author). He was nice enough to have a nap minutes before they called authors up, to do a short reading from their chapters. I got a chance to read a few paragraphs and it was so much fun. I love reading to the group and I loved what I had written. It made me realize I really miss my academic life, I miss writing, I miss speaking to conferences and classes and making research discoveries. I really have to get my act together and save up enough money to finish my PHD because it would be a waste to lose out on something I love so much. It was also nice to see people I hadn't seen in a long while. And nice, that people asked me to sign my chapter. I don't usually brag about myself, but I had to, last night was just special. The only thing missing was Karen (she had to work), although she always finds these academic gatherings boring and tedious anyway.

Google searches

Well, I looked at my stats counter and people are finding me through google. I am not sure if I like that. Anyway here are the 3 searches used.
1. 2 mommies blog (this makes sense)
2. dressed dog human clothing hands sesame street (I am the first link listed for this, I guess I asked for that one)
3. Elizabeth, zellers, cocaine ( That is a weird one_

Ten accomplishments of Robbie the wonder boy!

My beautiful boy will be 19 months old tomorrow and he is learning and doing new things at an alarming rate. So, here my top ten favorite new accomplshments!

10. Talking on the phone. He picks up thephone (no one is on it) and says "Ola. Apple, apple, Elmo" Then he throws it down.
9. He plays pretend, he feeds his doll pretend food and makes his weebles babble to each other.
8. He dance, by stamping his feet and wiggling his bum
7. He knows the number 2, 6, & 8
6. He knows the letters B, E, & T
5. He recognizes and can repeat the word "Bebe" (french for baby" ) when he see it written
4. He is doodling with his etch a sketch
3. He has so many new words "Squirrel, shoes, hat, blue, and my favorite happy
2. He can get in and out of our bed on his own (the other day I left the room for a second and found him reading in my bed)
1. He can SING! he did this last night. He was watching Elmo and Elmo was singing the cat song and next thing I know he is singing "CAT, CAT, CAT,CAT", although it sounds more like Gat.

I am so proud of him, he is my little wonder boy. Anyone who read this feel free to your own top ten on your little one on your blog, I would love to read them!

Strongly Held beliefs

In Some of my Groups and on E's blog their have been some heated debates about abortion and circumcision. I don't believe in either. In E's blog people have been trying to either tell me or E ( I am not sure which) that one of us is prochoice. Personally this offends me, I know what I am and that is pro-life, I am not like most pro-lifers. I just believe it is wrong to end of life and I do not think it should be a valid choice. Now, I am not about to picket or stop anyone. And there are a lot of gray area and social issues that need to be solved, so that we won'y need abortions. And I do not have the answers. I just know I am personally prolife and I resent others who are telling me I am prochoice. What I hate worse is that at times(not referring to right now) people have tried to change my mind about strongly held beliefs. If I have a belief, I have thought it out and researched it, someone else is not going to change my mind. Now, if I am not sure about a topic, I will ask and am then open to discussion.

Here are 11 of my beliefs
1. I am prolife
2. I do not believe in Circumcision
3. I do not believe in altering a child piercing ears or dying hair without their informed consent
4. I belivee in Breast feeding a baby if you can, not if there are reasons physical or emotional why you can't
5. I believe in child led weaning, child can nurse until whatever age they want
6. I believe in Co-sleeping (but not for others if they do not chose)
7. I don't eat meat and think that is the best choice for me and my family (may not be for others)
8. I do belive in organised religion, but believe there is a higher power
9. I think circuses with animals and zoos are wrong and will not takes my son to them
10. I do not believe in capital punishment ( my biological half-brother was murdered and I still have the same belief)
11. I am against hunting for everyone, I would allow it if the animals were armed

Here are 5 things I am not sure about
1. Co-ed shcools
2. the middle east
3. the meaning of life
4. special ed or mainsteaming
5. TV for kids good or bad

I am willing to debate the last 5 but not the other 11. I respect and like people who differ from me. In fact my mom and best friend and I differ in a few areas. But, we don't talk about them. Why? It is pointless we are not going to change each others minds and feeling will just get hurt. So, why not enjoy the things we have in common.

BTW my spelling and grammar sucks. See, what an almost PHD will get ya.

Stolen from Cristin and Casey

Another one of these quiz thingys stolen from Crisitn and Casey:

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Spring
Favorite Sport: swimminh
Favorite Time: saturday lunces out with the family
Favorite Color: blue
Favorite Actor: Jack Nicholson
Favorite Actress: Shirley McClaine
Favorite Ice Cream: carmel explosion
Favorite Food: French Fries and Popcorn
Favorite Drink: cinamon hazlenut coffee
Favorite Place: the ocean

9 Currents
Current Feeling: happy becuase it is lunch
Current Underwear Color: white
Current Windows Open: blogger and my email
Current Drink: water
Current Time: 12:01 pm
Current Mobile(s) Used: Nokia
Current Show on TV: No TV in my office
Current Thought: I wish I had a cramilk bar
Current Clothes: black shirt and pink pin striped pants

8 Firsts
First Nickname: Cathy
First Kiss: grade 5
First Crush: John Travolta (I was 7)
First Best Friend: Patti
First Vehicle I drove: Oldsmobile Omega
First Job:Sales Clerk at Sister Sarah's Unique Adult Boutique
First Movie: I think it was Bambi or Dumbo
First Pet: a little dog named Dukey and a cat named Bambi
First Shave: 9th grade

7 Lasts
Last Drink :Caramello Coffee
Last Kiss: kissed Karen and Robbie good-bye when they left my office
Last Time: 10:15 am
Last Time Shaved: 2 months ago maybe
Last Web Site Visited: Casey's blog
Last Movie Watched: Terminal
Last Pill I Had: tylenol

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes
Have You Ever Been Drunk: YEs
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Yes
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire or Bomb Blast: No
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: No
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: Yes

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: My co-worker sipping tea and typing
Things on Your Bed: sheets pillows and changing pad
Things You Ate Today: Caramello coffee, whole wheat bagel, 1 choclate chip cookie, 2 fruit and cream yogurts
Things You Can’t Live Without: My son, my wife, my mom, my best friend, my phone, tv, and computer,
Things You Do When You Are Bored: surf the net or use the phone

4 Places You Have Been today:
The bathroom
my office
Second CUp
Tim Hortons

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now:
Bottle of water,
Pens
TO do things on Stickies

2 Choices
Black or White: black
Hot or Cold: Hot

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die:
See my son grown and happy

Corperate culture ate his brain already!

My beautiful sons brain has been taken over by the evil coperation of McDonalds already. I know I am partly to blame. We go out for lunch every Saturday after we get the groceries. We have been to McDonalds a hand full of times and we have been to many other places also. I probably should have never taken him, but I am weak and human, once in awhile I like to eat there and it so easy (too easy) to take a toddler there and no you are not disturbing other diners. The other very big contributor is Sesame Street (which Robbie thinks is the only thing that should be on TV). Before Sesame Street there is an ad for McDonalds that tells you Sesame Street is proudly sponsored by McDonalds. What the F---, when I was little PBS shows like Sesame street had no public sponsors, that why it was public television. SO now I know Elmo and McDonalds are conspiring together. Anyway, so a few weeks ago he started sceaming and pointing and crying when we drive past McDonalds (try to find an Urban route with no McDonalds). Then a week ago McDonalds commercials would start the screaming and he learned to say "McDon". It peaked last night a McDonalds commercial came on and he screamed and said "McDon", four times. I of course said no and he left the room and went into our bedroom. He came out with his jacket passed it to me and said "McDon". Oh, my GOd. He is 18 months old and he can not do all his shapes in shape sorter, but can get his coat and ask to go to McDonalds.

What Happened to us?

The photos use see here are one of my best friend and 2 of me. My best friend Lesley is very cool as you can see. I am sort of cool not as cool looking as I used to be, the blue haired picture I am 30 (2000) and in the other picture I am 14. The picture of my best friend is pretty recent she still looks cool. And when we are together we are super cool. I remember meeting her at 14, I was at a friends house and she was there having her hair dyed 8 shades of purple. I thought she was the neatest girl I ever met and she was the first girl I ever made a pass at (she turned me down, she is straight, good thing at 14 I would not have known what to do and would had to ask he for directions). At 14 we wanted to grow up and start are own Rock band, even though we have no musical talent. We were punk rock girls together, looking cool at all the shows. But it went beyond the surface we talked politics and had debates like no one else I had ever met. She also has been my confident in good times and bad and understands me even when I have been really dark and disturbed, it takes one to know one. Now, we have long since abandoned the idea of a rock band and for the last eight years, have set our sites on beeing queens of the world (a shared title). Now, this brings me to the whole point of this post my super cool, super deep best friend and I and our conversation yesterday. Background info she has a 7 year-old son. She phones and I can hear cartoons blaring and I am watching sesame street. She says " I am watching Sponge-Bob and I have to tell you Karen is like Patrick the starfish". I say, "No, she's more of Ernie on Sesame Street, and I can't decide whether I am Bert or Telly" . If you told me 15 years ago we would have had this conversation, I would have asked you what mind altering substanse were we on (I am not condoning drugs, they are bad, just reflecting on my past). What happened to us? Is the conversations of two hip smart chicks? I think mommyhood ate our brains. But, at least it left Lesley her sense of style mine seemed to have left me the moment I put on maternity clothes. If you ever have the time to read this, I love you Lesley and world domination is just a few steps away!

THE DOGS!

I slept!

Yay, for the first time in I do not how long, Robbie slept good. He only woke-up 2 times during the night, which is pretty normal for a co-sleeping, breastfed, toddler. In fact the first stretch was 6 and half hours. Which means for the first time in a long time, I slept 4 hours straight without being woken. I will not get use to this though, because once I say something is normal for him he changes. This was a nice change from waking 8 times a night. So, I appreciate last night my beautiful sleepy baby, and hope it happens again, but I know I can't hold you do that.

Mommy Quiz

Thanks to Estelle, for posting this one on her blg. My results are no suprise:


You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!


What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dogs with Human Hands!

They have these dogs on Sesame Street, they are so creepy. They have hound dog heads, they wear people clothes and they have human hands, which they use. I think these dogs are the things nightmares are made of. I can believe they do not scare kids. I have chills going up my spine just thinking about them.

I have a toddler!

For better or worse I really have a toddler now. I remember when he turned one the BC bulletin called him a toddler and I thought no he is more of a baby. Not anymore. He follows me everywhere repeats everything I say and loves to get into everything. Yesterday, when his Sesame Street tape was done. He stomped he pointed to where the tapes where his Sesame Street tapes are and started sceaming "ELMO, ELMO". Then he tries to climb the shelf to get to the tapes I take him down. NExt, he pulls out all my blank tapes and hands them to me. Then for 10 minutes straighht he sceamed and cried and walked around stamping his feet. No, amount of redirection would help. Then an hour later it was snack time and gave him some goldfish crackers while I munched on some marshmallows. I turned my back for a second and all the fish crackers were on the floor and he was walking on them. So, As I get down on my hand and knees to clean, I hear laughter. I look up his face is full of marshmallows and he is dumping the bag all over the ground up fish and stepping on them! Wow, he can wreck a room it under 20 seconds. Of course he melts my heart a few minutes later by sitting on the potty and jumping up saying "All done" (he didn't do anything in it, he just says that) and later on in the tub he washes his hair by himself. so cute. His moods change in a second and he has me there with him. So, for better and worse he is a toddler.

The last 25

76. My middle name is Elizabeth
77. I sent an annoymous valentine to a girl in grade 9 and still could not tell her 12 years later
78. I hate driving on the highway
79. I hate being wrong
80. But will admit when I am wrong
81. I think I watch too much TV
82. I am sometimes too hard on Karen
83. I love to cook
84. I hate to bake
85. I can not even sew a button
86. I do not do manual labour
87. I do not do housework
88. I love clothes with fake fun fur and/or sparkles
89. My earliest childhood memory is being in my walker
90. I am the youngest of all my cousins
91. I feel pressure to put boy colours on my son
92. I could never have an abortion because i am adopted (but it is not like I am about to have an accidental pregnancy)
93. I am against animal testing
94. I give in to my son too much already
95. I am bad at science
96. I love video games
97. I think money could buy me a little happiness
98. I will never belong to a church
99. I hate change
100. I love my family more than anything

woo done

Footed Sleepers

Robbie is sleeping now in footed sleeprs. They are hard to find in the 24 month and 2 T size. Most of his night wear are footless or the convert-a-foot with socks. I love seeing in a footed sleepr, he looks like my teeny tiney baby again.

Catherine

The 2 things questionairre

2 names you go by:
Catherine
Cathy

2 parts of your heritage:
Irish
Swedish

2 things that scare you:
SNAKES
Death in any form



2 things you are wearing right now:
Pajama Top
Underwear

2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment)
Duran Duran (saw them in concert April)
Madonna

2 favorite songs (at the moment):
Had a bad day
The Nickleback song about memories

2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love):
loyalty
common goals

2 truths:
I have bad panic attacks
I haven't shaved my armpits in 2 months

2 physical things that appeal to you (in someone else):
eyes
boobs!

2 of your favorite hobbies:
writing
shopping

2 things you want really badly:
Another baby (I asked my boss to give me one for Christmas)
A good job

2 places you want to go on vacation:
GO to disney world
Go to Ireland

2 things you want to do before you die:
Have another baby
Have a made a mark on the world in someway

2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude/chick:
I am obsessed with clothes
I hate sports

2 things you are thinking about now:
How long will I sleep tonight before Robbie wakes-up
How many more shopping trips until Christmas shopping is done

2 stores you shop at:
Wal-Mart
Zellers

2 people you would like to see take this quiz
Trista
Estelle

Part 3

51. I co-sleep and will stop when Robbie wants
52. I still nurse and will not stop anytime soon
53. My favorite colour is blue
54. I am deathly irrnationally scared of snakes
55. because of 54 I will never go to Australia
56. Swimming is my only sport
57. I hate sports
58. My skin does not tan
59. I belive in astrology
60. I skipped school a lot in high school
61. I have been in some sort of school almost since I was 5
62. I always route for the underdog
63. I am addicted to the soap One life to live
64, I was not allowed to watch soaps as child, I blame this for 63
65. Karen and I moved in together a few weeks after she asked me to be her girlfriend
66. If I had to chose my life mate all over again I would still chose her
67. In spite of 66 I still bitch about her
68. Reality shows are my guilty pleasure
69.Big Brother is the only show I think I could win
70. I suffer from SAD
71. I have lived in Montreal for 7 years and can not speak French
72. French fries are my weakness
73. My mom and I have a lot of the same health problems, some that are rare, even though we are not related by blood
74. I am a feminist
76. I pray to dead people

Robbie's Glasses

We got Robbie's glasses this morning. I would like to say I have a picture of him wearing them, but he hasn't kept them on long enough. He keeps them on anywhere from ten seconds to a minute. So, I keep trying every couple of hours. He is wearing them right now, but he does not know it because he is having a nap. He does look incredibly smart wearing them. I have reconciled myself to the glasses and am putting all my heart into encouraging him to wear them. I am telling myself they are another fashion acccessory, I work on matching his outfits with them.
He is having his nap in my arms, So I am cuddling with little smart looking boy. I love these stolen cuddles.

I miss you Dave!

I guess this is what a blog is for to vent my feeling. And all I can say is I miss you Dave. My ex-boyfriend and close friend Dave died a little over 2 years ago at the age of 33. And today, I miss him like crazy, there was no one quite like him and no one can take away that special place in my life he had. This has to do with loving a friend and does not negate or change the fact I am head over heals in love with Karen.

Dave and I met in high school. He was the quiet smart boy, with the beautiful eyes that sat in front of me in history class. I did not give him too much thought then, because he was not really the kind of boy I would have dated, my parents would not have hated him. Then 2 years out of high school in 1990 when I was leaving a bad relationship, I saw him again. He was having lunch at the mall I worked at. I thought I should ask the quiet boy out it would be a nice change. This was the beginning of the craziest most intense 6 years, it was the best of times and the worst of times and I do not regret a moment of it.

First of Dave was so smart. I never met someone who knew so much. The only down fall was I could never win an arguement. He was also beautiful, he was like a tall poem. I thought he was gorgeous, in spite of his penis (I never cared much for them). He also was very loving and supportive, if I had a problem he was always there(unless the problem was him, then he was always out the door), He helped me through some rough times and held my hand at funerals from hampsters to my Dad. He was strong, silent but you could feel the love and support. He understood my dark side and never judged it, probably because he had a dark side himself. In someways he was a fun child getting great joy out of little electronic gadgets or a suprise he made for me. He loved me when I lost weight and when I gained weight, if I wore a dress or jeans.
Now, everything was not perfect. He broke up with me everytime he felt he got to close or vulnerable. He suffered from bad depression that he could not talk about. He had drug problems it started with pot, went to Cocaine and then many years of Heroin addiction. We broke up during the coke addiction.
We worked and did not work because of our differences. I was an open book all about feelings, riding them like a wave and taking everyone I loved up and crashing down with me. He hated to talk about his feeling and hid from them. Imagine how hard it was for him to be with me. I took him up and down more times than I am sure he wanted to go. But, this all helped us balance out. We learned from each other and that I think made us more balanced people. In the end the ups and downs were too much, the pain of the roller coaster was too much for us, so in 1996 we both went our seperate ways. A good thing for both us, we loved each other, but would have never been healthy together.
I moved on and started to date women as I was meant to do. He struggled with his heroin addiction over the next few years. Our friendship was up and down like our relationship, but he was always there for me when I needed him. In 2002 after he was clean and drug free for a year, we became close friends again. I met his girlfriend and she met me and mine. We had a long talk and we still the same Dave, when we talked the caring was always there and it was like we had just seen each other the day before. The last time we saw each other while I was home visiting in July of 2003. He gave me the biggest hug, like he did not want to let go. I will always hold onto that.
Then on September 5 2003, I peed on a stick and I was pregnant, Karen and I were estatic. I planned on telling Dave, but was going to wait for the 12 week mark. I pictured him holding this baby and talking to it in that special voice he has for pets and kids. This would never happen. I got a calls on September 8th from his Mom and Sister. He was dead. He accidently fell of a roof taking a short cut home. I went from being a happy Mommy to be to being incredibly sad and devestated. I even felt guilty for being pregnant, when he was gone. Karen, was incredibly generous and decided if the baby was a boy (and he was) his middle name would be David, for Dave. Karen is incredibly giving.
I just wanted to use this space to talk about him. I miss and still do everyday. Everyone brings something special to our life, and I miss those things he brought. I have many friends and a wife I am crazy about. But, I will always have a piece of me missing and that part is Dave. I am lucky I knew him and I am grateful for what he brought to my life the good and bad. I just miss him.

The next 25 or 100 things about me part 2

Okay, hopefully I can find 25 more things:

26. I am a vegetarian
27. In spite of this I sometimes eat very unhealthy
28. I am a cancer
29. I am lactose intolerant
30. In my mid 20's I worked for a short while as a receptionist in a men's "massage club"
31.I have PCOS
32. We did 6 at home inseminations with known donors and 4 IUIs with sperm bank sperm to get Robbie
33. I will never take Robbie to an animal circus
34. I will never take Robbie to the Zoo
35. I am friends with my Birth Mother
36. My birth Father is a psycho and a criminal and I will never meet him
37. The adoption agency liied about my birth weight and the age of my birth mom
38. I don't like alcohol
39. I experimented with various drugs in my 20's and will never take drugs again
40. I knew Karen was the one for me the moment I saw her
41. I would like to have one more child
42. I have written 2 chapters in published books
43. I suffer from panic attacks
44. I was a punk rocker in high school and my early 20's
45. I have had more different hair colours that I can count
46.I had to give my favorite dog to friends because she kept trying to attack my son
47. I miss this dog
48.I was brought up catholic
49. I am now agnostic
50. I love flavoured coffee
I am sure I will never think of another 50, there is not much more to me!

What a big boy!

Oh, my gosh. It seems like he is learning something new every second. 6 months ago he could say 2 words. Now, he is a regular little parrot, he repeats everything I say. He says big words like piglet, yellow and rainbow. He says a few two word sentences. He points out objects in books and tells me what they are. He knows a few letters of the alphabet and is always wanting to learn more letters. The other day he was getting foam letters from Karen who would tell him what the letter was, he would then run to me and give me the letter and tell me what it was and then start all over again with another letter. 6 months ago he only walked with a walker, now he runs, climbs and 2 days ago started dancing. I am just loving all this age, it seems like there is a milestone daily. And we really communicate now and I know it. He responds to my requests to, if I tell him to get something he runs off and returns with it. Now, if only the dog would pay attention and learn from him. It is hard to believe the little boy who did not hold his head up until 5 months or sit until 9 months, is this little learning dynamo. He just amazes me with is new tricks everyday. I am one proud Mommy!

100 things about me

Inspired by Estelle. I am going to try this 100 things about me list. Here are the first 25:

1. I was adopted by my parents at 4 months old
2. I am an only child
3. I am 35, can you hear my eggs aging?
4.I was bullied a lot in school
5. I have had the same best friend since I was 14
6. My best friend and I broke-up when I was 21, but got back together at 27
7. I only have one-third depth perception
8. I have a learning disability that makes me have trouble spelling wierd with two vowels together like "sound" and I can tell my left from my right shoe
9. I could not ride my bike and tie my shoes until I was 9
10. When I was 14 I wanted to grow-up and get a sex change to be with the gay guy I was in love with
11. From 14-26 I considered myself bisexual, since 26 I have considered myself lesbian
12. I dated men until I was 28 (got feel sorry for the guy I dates from 26-28 when I considerd myself lesbian)
13.Watching Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan at 14, I discovered I was attracted to women
14. I had my first girlfried at 26
15. My longest relationship besides Karen was with Dave, who I lived with on and off from 1990-1996
16. I remained close with Dave and his family after the break-up
17. Dave accidently died in 2003, just a few days after I found out I was pregnant
18. I can't take Dave names out of my email address book
19. I have an MA and am half-way through a PhD
20. I had a half-brother (from my birth mom)
21. My half-brother was killed in May 2004 in a drug deal gone wrong, I never got to meet him
22. My Dad died in 1998 (diabetes complications), my son is named after him
23. Karen and I both had girlfriends when we met
24. My Mom and I very close
25. My boss was the matron of honour at my wedding

Oh my god. I will never think of another 75 things.

Squirrels

We have a squirell visitor in our backyard. Karen loves to feed it. We ran out of peanuts, so yesterday she fed it gerber Sweet Potatoe Puffs. They are hit. Toddler and Squirrels love the same snack. This squirell is also making for some very frustrated indoor cats who are propelling themselves against windows to get at it.

How does he know?

When I am asleep, I am so tired I have know idea what is going on. When Karen comes to bed, I rarely wake-up. But, My son seems to know where I am even when he is asleep. For the last week-an-half he has been really tuned into my moves. Within 15 minutes of me coming home from work, he wakes up from the middle of his nap, calls for me, curls up into my arms, nurses and goes back to sleep. In the mornings, lately, he is awake within 15 minutes of me getting up. Which is hard on Karen because he cries for 20-25 minutes if he see me leave for work, if he wakes up and I am already gone it only bothers him for a moment. Yesterday, when I got off the bed, he started immediately rolling around in his crib (which has one side off and pushed against the bed) with his arms out, then he rolled into our bed, grabbed Karen, realized it was not me and started screaming. I just do not understand how he knows whether I am there or not in his sleep.

I am a gay man sort of

We live near the gay village, which I love, even though we do not go out on Saturdays anymore. I love knowing it is there. On nice nights in the summer we go out for ice cream sit on a bench and watch that magical world unfold, I love the couples, the partyers, the shoppers and the teenagers sneakig out for the first taste of the gay world. On the weekend we stopped in my favorite coffee shop for a coffee to go. I looked around and it struck me my favorite coffee place is inhabitted 90% by gay men. Most of my other favorite places are like that. I realize I relate more to gay men, personality wise, stereotypical interests. fashion, etc.. Do not get me wrong I love my lesbian friends, but I feel a special kinship with gay men. When we used to go ut with the girls, I really never fit the mold, I was always way overdressed, I can't play pool and I hate beer. So, I guess I am gay man without a penis, who is attracted to lesbians and lives and sleeps with one! If I want to be really honest I would say I am even more like a drag queen.

Today is a much better day!

Well Robbie still slept crappy last night, but Karen really helped. We discovered a trick if when he wakes up I nurse him, then rub his back for a minute, we do a switch over during the rub and he is sedated enough with boob juice not to notice the switch. Anyway, I didn't get a lot of sleep, but a little more is better than none.
And today I learned how to post materials to my boss' research website. I can do it on my own. Which is good for my boss she does not need to have web techy person on staff all the time. And for me who use to send all the materials and corrections to the web person, it means control. Which I love, I am a control freak.
Also, today I went to the shrink and he really helped me understand my panic attacks and how to deal with them. I understand they stem from the dizzy sensation I had after my gallbladder surgery and having a small child. Basically the dizzy spells scared me and when I had the first one I worried about how I would look after Robbie, and bam Panic Attack. Downhill worrying about the worst to the extreme. He told me the best way to deal with them was to be distracted, if I busy myself I just won't have time. Now, I know I tend to have them with Karen and my Boss because they are very nurturing and caring and try to help me in a "What can I do for you sweetie, way". This is the worst thing they can do and probably why I have attacks around them. I will be starting a group that trains you in technique for dealing with. Todays, session made me feel a little more powerful over these attacks.
The best part of today is that it is Friday, and Karen works only until 8 instead of 11. So, we get to see each other and I keep Robbie up so he can have a bath with her. He stays up and hour later, but it is worth it to see how happy he is to be with both his moms. He is so happy, huggie and giggly on Friday nights. Then when he goes to sleep Karen and I curl up on the couch and put in last nights episode of the L-word snuggle up and argue about the ethics of the characters on the show.

Sesame Street Musings

I thought I would lighten the mood here. And after a extra large French Vanilla coffee and a carmilk bar, I feel slightly more on kilter. So, my son watches Sesame Street every morning and 1 elmo video in the evening (he is a certified Elmo Junkie). And actually I do not mind, Sesame Street is one of the few children's programs I do not find totally stupid (Don't get me started on Barney or the Boobahs). Also, added bonus Sesame Street brings warm childhood memories for me, I think it is neat we are watching the same thing. Extra plus Elmo helped Robbie learn the parts of his face. But I have 3 big Sesame Street questions on my mind.
1. Do Gaby and Miles got to school or college, or did they forgo school along time ago because they no there ABC's?
2. Why or why is Elmo so fascinating to my son? What is it about him that made him be my son's third word? Myself, I much prefer Ernie and Bert (In fact Karen and I would probably be Ernie and Bert is we were on Sesame Street, with me being Bert)
3. Is Oscar an intellectual Elitist? I mean Oscar by far as the largest and most sophisticated vocabulary on the street and seems disgusted by this simple ABC Stuff. I always feel like he is talking down to the other muppets, in a "I'm Surperior to you kind off way". Maybe the dirty trash stuff is an act of rebellion against the developmentally delayed street.

I know I have thought about this way too much. There is too much Sesame Street in my life, I find myself at work humming the lyrics to "One fine Face". If anyone actually read this, I would love opinions on these questions. And My Question for you, you, you is; If you were a Sesame Street Muppet who would you be and Why?

I Hate Everyone: Or Sleep Part 2

This is a pity party, so if that is annoying to you do not enter. I am sorry I am using this space for this. I have plans for so many other things, I mean there is so much to say about my busy boy independent toddler one minute and sweet cuddly baby the next, But today is not one of those days. Things have been just going downhill for me since last night, I tried to get to sleep early to get some rest but as I was brushing my teeth a screw fell out of my glasses and the lens fell out. I spent 30 minutes on my hands and knees looking for it. Karen came home and found it and fixed it, so she at least saved the night. Robbie had one of those nights, again. Up every 30-60 minutes until 5 am when he was up every 10-5 minutes. He needed to either be nursing or having his back rubbed. If he wasn't nursing he wan't to pull my hair. I really feel like saying "I have had enough, leave me alone do not touch me". Don;t get me wrong I like to share affection with my son, but not all night long every few minutes, I feel my body is no longer my own. Then I get out of bed at 7 and leave him and Karen sleeping. What do I find Bella has pooped on the floor again and ate some and ground it into the floor, she is a frigging genius this dog. I ignore it for one moment and go to get a glass of water and what do I find, a cat has peed in the dishrack. This is too much, I get Karen out of bed to help. I am crying and yelling at her. She cleans and listens to me and says "Honey maybe you should wean him" Like that would solve anything,, I just wanted her to listen, not try to solve. What suck is I am mad at her more than I need to be. I love her she is my wife, but this lack of sleep has killed my sex drive, Robbie's constant touching has made me not want to cuddle and I am always snappy. I do not know how she takes it. And the pets I was just looking at them, and thinking what do you guys contribute, food, money, No just mess. THis sleep problem also affects my parenting, when I come from work, I only have the energy to sit on the couch and watch him play, I am not doing the great fun games and activities Karen is. I left the house this morning 15 minutes early just to get away, or maybe to give them a break from me or both. I love Karen, Robbie and the pets a lot, but the way things are going I am not able to give any of them what they deserve. I am having Karen call Robbie's resprirologist today and tell him Robbies sleep is going downhill (a few weeks ago he was only waking 2 or 3 times a night). We are going to ask for an overnight sleep test, to see if he is having breathing problems again. Maybe his tonsil are getting worse, maybe, he is not doing well off his acid reflux meds, maybe his larnygomalsia is worse. Maybe there is an answer and this doctor is always helpful. I hope my next post is better. I just need to vent, and get it all out.

Will I ever sleep again?

My son is a horrible sleeper. Sometimes, I wonder how he keeps going all day long, with such little sleep. Last night he went to bed at 10 was up every hour for 12:00 on and then every 15-30 mins from 5:30 on and was up for the day at 7am. The other night he was up from 2:30 on every 10-15 minutes, if he did not have a boob in his mouth or me rubbing his back he was up. He is hard to get to sleep at night and hard to keep asleep. The only time he sleeps well is nap and if you do not let him nap or wake him up from nap, he is a bear. The hardest part is I do 80% of this sleep work by myself. Karen maybe rubs his back twice during the night, and of course she can't nurse. And if she helps I have to deal with her complaining about how tired she is and how tired her arm is. And then Robbie also has a cow, know Mom can not get him to sleep, it has to be Mommy. He screams bloody blue murder when she rubs him. I swear they have a conspiracy against me. Then every morning goes something like this: Karen says. : God, I rubbed his back twice for over a half hour each time (really means 10 minutes), I am so tired". I say "I know Karen, I was up with him about 8 times". Karen says "God, Catherine you don't have to make it a contest, I lost sleep too". ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! Sometimes I do not wake her up because it is not worth the hassle they both give me.
Before he came I slept 7-8 hours a night and 10 hours a night on the weekend. I am not asking for that. I would not know what to do with 10 hours. If he slept 10 hours I would probably be checking his breathing. I know since we co-sleep and nurse that is unrealistic. But, to wake up twice during the night that would be heaven. I hope that is somewhere in my future. For now, I will have to take solace in my extra large coffee I pick-up on the way to work.

How fast can a dog on a diet eat?

I will have to post a picture of my fat little doggie. I have to look around I know I have one of here and Robbie. My doggie is supposed to be 13 pounds, at the vet this summer she was 25 pounds! She is obese for a Lapso Apso/ Pomeranian mix. She was chubby and then I got pregnant and was all down hill, she put on the baby weight for me. She has been on a diet for 3 months and has lost 2 pounds. Anyhow, to answer the question. It took 2 minutes to eat her soft food, 3 minutes for the diet crunchies. It is rough to be on a diet with no thumbs to cheat with.

Maternal instinct and working mother!

I was watching this stupid talk show last night called the Mommy Show. They had a bunch of Mom's sitting around chatting about working vs. Staying at home. Well, this one Stay at home Mom said " It is great that working Mom's recognize that they need to work, I guess I am just more maternal and I enjoy and prefer being at home. (Looking at a working Mom and addressing her) It is great you realized you were less maternal". WTF, less maternal. As a working Mom that pissed me off, I am not less maternal. I thinking being a stay at home is very wonderful thing to do and wish that we could afford to do it, but we can't. But, no way is a stay at home Mom more maternal, I believe that some Mom's are more maternal than others, but that has no bearing on what choice you make. Yes, I work and part of it is money, but the other part is intellectual satisfaction. I work part-time, I love my time at work and I love my time with Robbie, but I feel like I am a better parent to him now that I am back at work and fufilling both parts of myself. I had a one year Maternity leave and starting coming in one afternoon a week when he was 3 months, just to keep my brain stimulated. If I were independently wealthy or if Karen were making enough to support us, I would stay at home, but I would take 2 afternoons a week to either do volunteer work or work on my writing. I need me time and I do not think that makes me less maternal.