I am always getting mistaken for Straight. It seems to never happen to my wife Karen. I guess she follows the "rules"; she has the right haircut, clothes, walks the walk, where her pride colours necklace, drinks beer on occassion and plays pool. I get hit on by guys regularly. I am always having to correct people at work who do not know me well, that my partner is a woman. I remeber I was a teaching assistant for a graduate class at the end of my pregnancy and remember discussing gay issues in elementary school with a group. And they of course said homophobic things and looked to be with my belly full of my gay conception looking for approval. They were shocked to find out I was gay and having a baby with a woman. Then I got that "You don't look gay/lesbian" from them. I get that a lot people seem to think it is a compliment. I have long blonde hair blue eyes and dress and am pretty girly. I look like a poster child for white middle-class heterosexual privellege (I am not middle class either), especially now with my little blonde son. I have tried on the role of outward lesbian appearance when I first came out and I did not like it, it was not me. I think it is great that some lesbians can throw gender roles out the window and look the way they want, I think they are beautiful, it is just not me.
Today, I found a blog through a link on another lesbian mom's blog. This lesbian woman is going through horrible infertiliy pain, she is having a hard time getting pregnant. When I read her blog I was filled with emotion, so sad for her and at the same time remembering my own infertility pain. I don't ovulate on my own, so it took me awhile to find this out, get the right treatment, and have that treatment finally work. It was a long painful process. I wrote to this women and told her I understood and hoped she got her miracle and how I conceived Robbie when I was ready to give up. She wrote me back saying they would not be getting pregnant by accident they were lesbians. Maybe it was the word miracle or maybe it was the fact I said I was ready to give-up when I found myself pregnant, maybe this is how a straight women would word it. Or maybe it is the picture of girly me and my son attached to any comments I make. Or maybe both. I feel bad this woman misunderstood me and I hope with all my heart she does get pregnant.
Although it is getting tiresome being mistaken for straight. Maybe I should dig out my rainbow necklace and find some nice lesbian quote to end emails with. Oh well, at least I was not mistaken for a drag queen again.
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3 comments:
I get told "you can't get pregnant, your breasts are too big" ALL the time.
Um, trista... that makes no flippin sense.
When my dad told me I was gay (I have already figured it out, but he felt the need to inform me) he then asked about my friends. I had one friend, Tree, who was gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. Huge blue eyes, long curly shiny hair, awesome figure. Totally femme and beautiful. He was so upset because she is "too pretty to be gay" but the worst one was with Jean. "Oh please, don't tell me Jean is gay too. She's too nice!"
Apparently we are all ugly and mean.
FWIW though, I have never in my life been mistaken for straight. Dammit. I wanna play too!
oh lord, I really should stop the second job as a medium, it lets strange spirits think they can just take over and type strange things without my even noticing.
what I meant to type is that I get told that I can't possibly be a lesbian because my breasts are too big.
Of course, I DO get people who think that pregnancy would just make my breast-life even harder because of the enlargement they would go through.
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