I miss you Dave!

I guess this is what a blog is for to vent my feeling. And all I can say is I miss you Dave. My ex-boyfriend and close friend Dave died a little over 2 years ago at the age of 33. And today, I miss him like crazy, there was no one quite like him and no one can take away that special place in my life he had. This has to do with loving a friend and does not negate or change the fact I am head over heals in love with Karen.

Dave and I met in high school. He was the quiet smart boy, with the beautiful eyes that sat in front of me in history class. I did not give him too much thought then, because he was not really the kind of boy I would have dated, my parents would not have hated him. Then 2 years out of high school in 1990 when I was leaving a bad relationship, I saw him again. He was having lunch at the mall I worked at. I thought I should ask the quiet boy out it would be a nice change. This was the beginning of the craziest most intense 6 years, it was the best of times and the worst of times and I do not regret a moment of it.

First of Dave was so smart. I never met someone who knew so much. The only down fall was I could never win an arguement. He was also beautiful, he was like a tall poem. I thought he was gorgeous, in spite of his penis (I never cared much for them). He also was very loving and supportive, if I had a problem he was always there(unless the problem was him, then he was always out the door), He helped me through some rough times and held my hand at funerals from hampsters to my Dad. He was strong, silent but you could feel the love and support. He understood my dark side and never judged it, probably because he had a dark side himself. In someways he was a fun child getting great joy out of little electronic gadgets or a suprise he made for me. He loved me when I lost weight and when I gained weight, if I wore a dress or jeans.
Now, everything was not perfect. He broke up with me everytime he felt he got to close or vulnerable. He suffered from bad depression that he could not talk about. He had drug problems it started with pot, went to Cocaine and then many years of Heroin addiction. We broke up during the coke addiction.
We worked and did not work because of our differences. I was an open book all about feelings, riding them like a wave and taking everyone I loved up and crashing down with me. He hated to talk about his feeling and hid from them. Imagine how hard it was for him to be with me. I took him up and down more times than I am sure he wanted to go. But, this all helped us balance out. We learned from each other and that I think made us more balanced people. In the end the ups and downs were too much, the pain of the roller coaster was too much for us, so in 1996 we both went our seperate ways. A good thing for both us, we loved each other, but would have never been healthy together.
I moved on and started to date women as I was meant to do. He struggled with his heroin addiction over the next few years. Our friendship was up and down like our relationship, but he was always there for me when I needed him. In 2002 after he was clean and drug free for a year, we became close friends again. I met his girlfriend and she met me and mine. We had a long talk and we still the same Dave, when we talked the caring was always there and it was like we had just seen each other the day before. The last time we saw each other while I was home visiting in July of 2003. He gave me the biggest hug, like he did not want to let go. I will always hold onto that.
Then on September 5 2003, I peed on a stick and I was pregnant, Karen and I were estatic. I planned on telling Dave, but was going to wait for the 12 week mark. I pictured him holding this baby and talking to it in that special voice he has for pets and kids. This would never happen. I got a calls on September 8th from his Mom and Sister. He was dead. He accidently fell of a roof taking a short cut home. I went from being a happy Mommy to be to being incredibly sad and devestated. I even felt guilty for being pregnant, when he was gone. Karen, was incredibly generous and decided if the baby was a boy (and he was) his middle name would be David, for Dave. Karen is incredibly giving.
I just wanted to use this space to talk about him. I miss and still do everyday. Everyone brings something special to our life, and I miss those things he brought. I have many friends and a wife I am crazy about. But, I will always have a piece of me missing and that part is Dave. I am lucky I knew him and I am grateful for what he brought to my life the good and bad. I just miss him.